Captain Marval
Meanwhile, in the parallel universe where people think taking after Mongraa is a good idea…
You'd better believe there's more.
My alternate title was Mara Jaded, but that might be a bit more obscure.
“Dragoness – Warrior Marvalai Bladesong the Strong.” Red dragons have a long, nonexistent history of disguising themselves as night elves. Furthermore, benevolent dragons tend to only adopt a humanoid form out of convenience – Chromie wouldn’t get any peace in Andorhal if she was full-size, and Wyrmrest Temple’s nice, but Alexstrasza needs her space. They’re methods of dealing with mortals, not disguises. It’s details like these, however, that get in the way of conveniently awesome characters, so they tend to be forgotten.
“-Absolute basics-” Oh, well, at least this person will only tell us things we could really know from seeing her. That’ll be a welcome change from–
“Height: 10’8″ ((A sad birth defect.))” Well, that was fast. Not only do we get a fully measured height, which I know my eyes can’t do, but we also have some brackets explaining more than the absolute basics in how she got her height. So… is the non-bracketed stuff IC information? Is she wearing a sandwich board or something with all this description? There’s also the fact that dragons choose their humanoid forms, so the horrible birth defect wouldn’t apply. Not to mention that Alexstrasza or whomever is laying eggs might just stomp on the defective hatchlings.
“Weight: 1,500lbs of sheer muscle ((I go by weight charts, peeps.))” Too bad you don’t also go by the very basic science it is to know that anything that much taller than it’s ‘supposed’ to be is going to have horrible back problems. Heck, my friend is only 6’2″ and he has back problems. Your elf is going to be hunched over like Julia Child.
New alternate title: Happy Cooking, Bon Appetit! I just keep ratcheting up the obscure references.
“Armor: Either thick cobalt or spiked saronite.” Hell, I don’t know which, I’m just the narrator.
“This elf is just plain massive as you look to her – And her muscle stature is like of a male elf…” so I’m looking for an Adam’s apple, got it. “…and walk with a steady stride, clomping down as her thick metal slams into the ground as she walks…” Her metal? Like part of her, or..? “Her body would be thick with armor and muscle.” Oh, okay. “Well, she couldn’t get her plate off one day and she just… grew around it, y’know?”
“The elve’s face is rather pretty as you look at it, the cheekbones slim, nose small, and limps plump,” except that she’s built mannishly, so she ends up as attractive and sexy as a male draenei. “…hair dangeling down her back, strands flowing just below her bust, which would seem to strain the armor.” You’re in fucking plate. That armor is custom made to fit you. If it’s straining your armor, you got it made a size too small or you’re nursing something. It also can’t strain solid saronite unless it’s like a hojillion PSI. Bad Sue.
“Also, two gleaming horns sprout from her temples and curve upwards, jewls hanging from them from a silver chain, and a deep obsidian black.” Because black’s a noun now. That’s some disguise there, dragon, what with the horns not hidden and all. If not for those, people might think you were a normal ten foot elf.
“As you look down about her, she would be rather curvy like her race, but also extremly muscular, as if a male orc somehow morphed into an night elf.” Oh, so you did take the hunchback into account. That still doesn’t explain how adding a male orc to a male night elf makes something ‘curvy’ in the sexy feminine sense. “[T]he rump of the armor plump, showing off a nice rear, like all of her race does, but more round that heart-shape.” Well, night elves don’t really have asses, so she must be talking about that sweet dragon tail. Yum.
“Lastly would be this warrior’s attitude. She is a bitch. GET OVER IT. She will put you down and not seem to mind it. However, she cannot take insults and snaps quickly, and even moreso around her recruits. She breaks her soldiers to a point where they think she’s a goddess.” Yep. Still in absolute basics territory, obviously. I think it’s great that this powerful giganticistic dragon has the attitude of a fifteen year old girl. I also think it’s great that she breaks down her recruits to where they can’t reason anymore, that’s obviously the best choice for combat.
“One last detail is that she simply likes tribals, telling by her markings over her body, which repesent draeneic runes and some ancient, elven runes that cover her ears and body…” This sentence goes on for days, we’ll stop there. I just wanted to point out that when I think about tribal things in Warcraft, I think elves and draenei, not, say, the actually tribal trolls or the actually tribal orcs that the elves and draenei respectively resent like crazy.
Finally, she’s carrying “two massive axes on her back, both easily the size of a draenei male.” Well, she is Fury-specced, but if you’re counting on all that weight on your back to prevent your orcish posture, best of luck.
Why yes, it does look this silly.
What can we do to make this better? Tone it down! Dear god. You’re 10 feet tall, “secretly” a dragon, and both incredibly muscular and curvy, with tits so big they strain saronite. Gimme a break. Grow some restraint – not just on your out of control pituitary, but on your character. Flaws, weaknesses, and simple places where you aren’t awesome go a long way in making people think you’re worth the time. At the moment, I wouldn’t RP with you as far as I could throw you, which for Varendil, who isn’t that strong, isn’t far.
Lanuria Dawnblade, a.k.a. Courtney Adler, aspires. She's an aspiring DM, aspiring photographer, and aspiring wife. She lives in Monroe, Wisconsin and complains about the weather far too much. She enjoys The Big Bang Theory and singing the songs from Glee.
Varendil Dawnblade, a.k.a. Taylor Vincent, is a 22-year old writer, student, World of Warcraft player, and 4th Edition DM. He lives in Monroe, Wisconsin with his fiancé and their jade plant, Esmeralda. He likes Douglas Adams and The Venture Bros. He hates Toni Morrison. Don't even ask. 
I don’t know about anyone else, but if I saw someone like this walking around, I certainly wouldn’t think they’re anything close to good-looking.
November 7, 2010 at 5:29 am
Every time I read these blog posts, a little bit of the RPer in me dies a bit inside. Too bad the asshole part of me thrives and swells with laughter.
I mean, I am no god to RP by any sense of the word… but I also never claimed my c**k was so massive it could dent my Plate Codpiece with a Draenei showed me her cuntacles (thanks, Baenhoof!)
November 7, 2010 at 7:35 am
PROTIP: this is the same person that plays the snake lady and that bronze dragon lady
November 7, 2010 at 7:53 am
Protip for Marvalai’s player:
…
I…
…
Well you could–
…Maybe if–
…
Please stop. You’re hurting my brain.
November 7, 2010 at 9:26 am
Should have gone with Mara Jaded. I gets it. :>
I think the bit that bothers me most about this is that night elves are the antithesis of curvy. They’re toned, muscular sticks. Straight up and down, with little to no tits or ass to speak of. And if that turns you on, have at thee, fine. But jesus, they’re not the sex goddesses everyone thinks them to be.
Try a human female, if you’re into curvy. Or a draenei, if cuntacles don’t bother you.
November 7, 2010 at 10:45 am
Sweetheart.
Just play a fucking elf. Seriously, there’s a difference between wanting to be creative and special, and being so fucking uncreative you can’t work with the resources you’re given.
This isn’t some freeform role-playing forum or chat. This is Blizzard’s playground. For fuck’s sake people, is it that fucking hard to take five extra minutes, leave your fetishes at the door, and NOT use a goddamn MMORPG as your personal playground to jack off while you run around screaming that people need to respect your shitty Mary Sue when you, yourself, can’t be assed to spend an extra five minutes coming up with a lore-abiding character who is THE GODDAMN RACE YOU ROLLED? I know, this is hard, and it’s a massive undertaking. That is, if you’re five or the mental equivalent thereof. I’ve got a six-year-old niece who can exercise more creativity than HERP DERP I R DRAGGINELF AND I R TALL AND MUSCLED AND SEXIII.
Seriously, there’s enough of that bullshit on Snaketrap’s Hentai Foundry and Deviantart accounts, go jack off there and spare the rest of us the experience of shoveling through your shit so we can carry on a decent RP that doesn’t amount to grunting and proving Darwin wrong.
November 7, 2010 at 11:55 am
“For fuck’s sake people, is it that fucking hard to take five extra minutes, leave your fetishes at the door, and NOT use a goddamn MMORPG as your personal playground to jack off while you run around screaming that people need to respect your shitty Mary Sue when you, yourself, can’t be assed to spend an extra five minutes coming up with a lore-abiding character who is THE GODDAMN RACE YOU ROLLED?”
Yes. You may stop asking now.
November 7, 2010 at 1:18 pm
I suppose I’m too used to playing with people who scored above room temperature on their IQ test.
November 7, 2010 at 3:02 pm
Or, as you stat yourself, they have different goals.
November 7, 2010 at 4:59 pm
Stat? State. I do not believe there are stats in your post.
November 7, 2010 at 4:59 pm
If you want stats, I could fire up the D&D character generator and put something together.
As for their goals? Like I noted in my post, there are *hundreds*, if not *thousands* of roleplaying forums and chats that cater to such things. Off the top of my head, I know The Keep and Cyberchat (both hosted by the same site, though I don’t know if they’re still up) are ‘nexus’-style roleplay chats where the moderators are extremely lax about what takes place there so long as cybersex and offensive plot lines like rape or heavy bondage are kept to private rooms, whispers, or another medium entirely like emails. There is no reason to force people on WoW’s roleplaying servers to put up with blatant lore-rape and if these people can’t respect the wishes of the majority of RPers who don’t want to see Flexy the night elf shemale who’s as tall as a raid boss with a penis the size of the Ashbringer claiming she was born in Stormwind, then they don’t deserve any in return.
Respect, like a highway, is a two-way street.
November 7, 2010 at 5:15 pm
No, thank you, I already have enough of those numbers tonight and more to spare.
What I’m curious about is how you’re “putting up” with lore-rape. What means do they have to force you? Is it the mere act of clicking an RSP and finding something that isn’t up to snuff that’s bothersome? Are they somehow able to trick you into playing with them and accepting their actions? Do they whisper you to taunt you for your foolishness in following lore? Where exactly is the disrespect?
November 7, 2010 at 5:35 pm
I come here because I’m interested in broader issues underlying what constitutes good and bad roleplay and the appropriate use of flags. I find the viewpoints expressed within especially interesting given that my first MMO RP experience was not within WoW, but in a game where there was much less emphasis on the “right” way to play a character, both in terms of what was played and how what was played was portrayed within the game’s built-in flag system. Part of that was due to a much looser setting with far more openings in the lore, allowing people more leeway play around with their own concepts (this was City of Heroes, to be precise), but that doesn’t account for the differences in preferred writing style in flag description.
While I may disagree with the method of critique – which, I’m aware, is as much about roleplayers having a space to be jerks and backpat each other a bit as much as it is serious advice, I’ve read the FAQ – I’m not offended by it. It’s more that I’m curious about how this preference for certain styles of play and a heavy focus on immersion came into prominence. Given how vehemently it’s followed by the regulars on this site, this seems as good a place to examine it as any.
So, while the site’s intended purpose is examination of flaws, it’s not the only purpose it can serve.
November 8, 2010 at 4:23 pm
You realize you can just, you know, ignore these other players correct? I’m aware their RSPs tend to run rampant, but when I see them on my server I have a giggle and go back to RPing with the people I enjoy RPing with.
My RP bubble is nice, warm, and sans a ton of gamebreaking/lorebreaking
November 8, 2010 at 8:10 am
^That.
November 8, 2010 at 10:57 am
The problem with this entire argument is that pointing out flaws in people’s characters (and not the good kind of flaws, I mean the sueish non-flaws we see so often here) is the -entire- purpose of the site.
If you don’t agree with this practice, why come here and comment?
Entire string of logic is null and void on this, bud. If you don’t like it, nobody is making you read it. That includes the critique. ;3
November 8, 2010 at 3:43 pm
I am very fail at responding to right thread strings. Baenhoof, my response is above.
November 8, 2010 at 4:24 pm
If you absolutely need to get your needlessly verbose social-experimenting tendencies up in the discussion, it’d be a good idea to understand that it doesn’t really have a place in the comment section of a blog focused on roleplaying profiles from a video game.
You also did nothing to refute or redirect my assuaging of your misplaced argument, so I’m going to assume you either agree with it and are just posting to troll for teh lulz now or you really didn’t understand it. Either way, I’m done here.
November 8, 2010 at 10:10 pm
Huhwuah? Sorry, @Baenhoof, I’m really not sure who you’re replying at. I was talking at Izahara in my earlier comment, if you were replying to me. I’m fully aware the purpose of this site, but other people in this comment string have sorta got into this whole “this is so terrible why do they do this rar” tangent, which… if it’s so bad for them on their server, yes it *is* very ignorable and not that big of a deal.
No, I’m not trolling, yes I was responding to someone, and I’m pretty cool with enjoying and figuring out ways to fix bad RSPs. Sorry I didn’t respond earlier :V
November 8, 2010 at 10:46 pm
What I read Cerwis means: “if you’re reading so many bad RSPs that it’s affecting your enjoyment of the game and giving you a stroke as opposed to making you giggle at the bad, or think of ways to help fix it rationally, you probably need a break; from reading RSPs, your server, or something.”
There are good RSPs and good RPers out there. Even in Silvermoon or just passing through Goldshire. I promise! This site, among others, does highlight the bad ones, but that doesn’t mean they’re quite as numerous as it may be believed, or can seem when you go looking for them.
A place to vent frustration is handy (I like bad_rpers_suck on LJ). But as Baenhoof said, the point is to point out flaws and talk about ways to possibly fix them, if the player’s open to such (some have been!). People are going to have different ideas for RP, some are going to be new to WoW and/or RP, but saying they should just go elsewhere, well, they pay for the game too.
And they likely are playing elsewhere besides; I knew some people who played the same character across multiple websites, either as different versions of the same person, or it all was the same person across multiple worlds and everything that happened in one affected that person in the other. Annoying? Certainly. Those were also the folks I usually didn’t play closely with beyond “Hi, how are ya? That’s cool, later!” in the open social venues of whatever site I was on.
November 8, 2010 at 11:05 pm
I made my comment(s) on the WarcraftSues post. I’m not saying them again >8u
November 7, 2010 at 12:38 pm
-Oh, okay. “Well, she couldn’t get her plate off one day and she just… grew around it, y’know?”-
Good god, and now I’m picturing something out of Warhammer 40K to go along with all the rest.
November 7, 2010 at 3:51 pm
Am I the only person who doesn’t hate Mara Jade? D:
But yeah… eurgh. At first, for some weird reason (probably my skimming the flag before really reading it), I interpreted the character as a Tauren, and then I was like “well I guess it is the Andre the Giant of Tauren; that’s okay I guess, just so long as the player remembers the character will probably die horribly due to her gigantism” and then I reread and saw that it was an Elf – er, sorry, a FUCKING DRAGON – and then I cried.
Well, not really. But I was mad enough to write that horrible run-on sentence, so yeah.
Also, male Draenei = 5x more sexy than that monster. And that’s sayin’ somethin’.
November 7, 2010 at 6:54 pm
I’m just wondering how much the RP is going to change for “dragons” come Cata.
I don’t think players should be able to roll a toon and act like a dragon either. But Alchemists will be able to make a potion-type item in Cataclysm that does, in fact, allow you to take on the form of a dragon and fly around with a person on their back. It’s going to make a lot of dragon-sues go “Oh yeah? Well, look! I CAN become a dragon and I AM in disguise!”
It only worries me. ._.
November 7, 2010 at 7:37 pm
The bads will still be bads. They’ll always be bads, until they pull their heads out of their asses. Dragons could be completely retconned out of Warcraft itself by Chris Goddamn Metzen and the bads would still go on with their terribad selves.
The well-played ones will still be discreet.
Nothing really changes.
November 9, 2010 at 7:50 pm
You know what I always love/hate about WoW RP addons?
The plus side: There’s rarely any mystery. No need to wonder “Does this person’s idea of fun alarm me at best?” No worrying that three months into a satisfying friendship, SURPRISE, their fetish is something that makes your hair turn gray hearing about it… and they’re never going to stop telling you about it again. You already know, they had you at “HELLO, I AM A MUSCLEBOUND-BUT-VOLUPTUOUS DRAGON IN SORT-OF-ELF SEEMING. WANT TO PUDDING WRESTLE?”
The down side: You know things about half the server that you don’t know about ANYONE in real life… and are kind of terrified. “Are my real life friends secretly this fucked up?” I can only console myself with the fact that in real life, they’ll never ever tell me. Truly, ignorance is bliss.
November 7, 2010 at 8:19 pm
I want a built-in RSP box in WoW, like CoH had.
But it would need a word limit. Probably a rather tight one to avoid some of the concerns they likely have with implementing an in-built RSP.
Then people might actually put down just their basic descriptions and add a tinyurl link to their wiki page or whatever if they think you really need the whole tragic life story and more in-depth description of things that make no sense and likely can’t be seen anyway (like their zillion and one important tattoos and scars covered by clothing).
I know. *sigh* I’m dreaming again.
November 8, 2010 at 11:11 pm
The reason this will never happen is that the raging assholes of WoW would use it as a platform for spewing off offensive bullshit, and the GMs would have to police it.
Even if it was something you only get on RP servers, I guarantee you there would be an instant rash of all-caps hate-speech, he-said-she-said flaming, and extremely explicit sex stories all up ins, and some poor fucker in a cubicle would get to deal with the dipshit that got reported AND the hysterical, highly-offended kid who reported it.
Maybe if there were some sort of mystical dam that proactively locked bigots, passive-aggressive high school drama whores, and pedophiles from rolling on RP servers to begin with. Otherwise this would be a NIGHTMARE for both Blizzard and for roleplayers.
November 9, 2010 at 8:05 pm
Hahaha, they never did that in CoH. It was a much broader spectrum.
November 9, 2010 at 10:03 pm
I like how she’s a red dragon (based on the name). And red dragons are all about upholding life and love the mortal races.
Except she’s also a bitch. And she’ll put you down, blah blah blah.
c|_| Care Cup is empty.
November 7, 2010 at 8:38 pm
If only there was a non-Frankenstein way of combining body types.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v227/thecrab/WTF.jpg
I really wanna make a sarcastic remark about how despite her extremely manly nelf/orc( draenei?)like build, she is super attractive and totally plow-able.
But I don’t feel like burning my keyboard after typing such a thing. D:
November 7, 2010 at 11:10 pm
Oh, wow, thanks for ensuring I never sleep again. That is terrifying.
November 8, 2010 at 2:27 am
I just… Wow. -Wow-. I only know of one Red Dragon that takes a Night Elven form as of right now and he’s not even in the -game- yet. I can understand wanting to be super neat and play a dragon, sort of.
Not really.
But if you’re going to try, at least play it right. Red Dragons wouldn’t be bitchy, they’re like everyones superhero reptilian parents. Then you have the height issue and–
….Yeah, I just don’t know. My brain, it hurts so very, very much.
November 8, 2010 at 7:41 am
Seriously…
Nobody would think she is some kind of Eredar experiment gone wrong? I think on my server she’d have been hunted down and killed a long time ago man.
nearly 11 feet tall?
That’d make her about… 3.7 metres tall so lets say 3.5 metres? seriously?
Then she has horns on her head. her armor is fused with her body.
Seems like an Eredar to me. And my chars wouldn’t care. They all hate the Legion already anyway, so as she looks close enough they would gather a mob with pitchforks and torches and they would hunt her down. Also the whle being a bitch thing won’t help in this regard as dragons won’t act like that. Either thjey aren’t bitches (e.g. Reds). Or they are to smart to act like that. (e.g. Blacks)
November 8, 2010 at 11:02 am
The flag thumbnail just links to the thumbnail, not an embiggened full-length flag. Just FYI.
Also, I kinda DO think Draenei guys are sexy. >_>
November 8, 2010 at 12:13 pm
Fix’d.
Also, yes, yes they are. So are tiefling males.
Nom.
November 8, 2010 at 12:28 pm
Its because they fucking -are.- Tiefling guys are horned (not horny, I couldn’t bring myself to pun that hard) bad boys. Very hot.
November 8, 2010 at 2:14 pm
If it weren’t for the foreheadlumps that grow into their horns that tiefling females are drawn with, they’d be easy on the eyes as well.
November 8, 2010 at 3:23 pm
this flag saddens me
November 8, 2010 at 2:56 pm
Me 2..
November 8, 2010 at 4:30 pm
I think we should start an army of people armed with Baby Spice and pelt her with it. Who’s with me?
November 8, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Yes. And then trick her into eating a Small Feast. XD
November 8, 2010 at 6:33 pm
I was wondering when this RSP would finally be posted here. So full of fail and likely terrorized by people smacking her for this idea. She actually got a re-customization and is still a dragon…who’s 4x bigger then Alexstraza in dragon form and can magically stretch plate with her chest!
November 9, 2010 at 11:28 am
I found that pick with the two male draenei on her back extremely funny for some reason.
November 9, 2010 at 1:59 pm
pic* rather =\
November 9, 2010 at 2:01 pm
I get awfully tired of people saying their tits and mondo-cock can change the shape of METAL.
FFS.
November 19, 2010 at 12:54 pm
I’m pretty sure there’s a Red Dragon who -does- take a Night Elven form, actually. One of the hostages in Ahn’Qiraj.
Not that I’m saying this Description wasn’t horrendous, I’m just saying not every Red Dragon is an ultra pretty Blood Elf.
Sometimes they’re a slightly less pretty Night Elf.
December 7, 2010 at 6:06 am
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Guys. She tried to recruit me a few months ago. I politely refused, and she PULLED A DRAGON OUT OF HER ASS AND ICLY RAGELEFT.
Clearly I am in the wrong here, for not wanting my perfectly good, slightly insane, HUMAN MALE PALADIN to eat a mysterious crystal given to him by a mysterious Hulk-elf that makes him grow to be a dozen feet tall. Clearly.
May 5, 2011 at 11:19 pm
She reminds me of this person. http://www.argentarchives.org/node/43476
“Lol, I’mma play something that would be killed on sight by any normal person. Why? Because I can.”
Tempted to hop from EU to US to gawk at these roleplayers. It’s just… Wow…
July 4, 2011 at 8:28 am
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