Darken Your Clothes or Strike a Violent Pose
We try to avoid clichés and age-based condescension as best we can here at the Roleplayer’s Lament. Keeping that in mind, all I’ll say about the player of this next fellow is that they seem to have some immediate, in-depth experience at playing a teenager.
Click for improved badassery
Either that or it’s Rob Liefeld himself. (I feel like I’ve linked that here before, but it’s so good that I couldn’t take the chance of not doing so.)
“Self-Proclaimed Torturer and Assassin” I’m a self-proclaimed expert lover and excellent writer but I assure you, those have no bearing on reality.
“Eyes: Blood shot red.” Experimental poetry in the eye field. I think this field is meant more for iris pigmentation, but at least it doesn’t say ‘orbs.’
“Looking on at him he would be a young a somewhat more fit for his age.” I think that doesn’t say anything objectionable. “As his armor fits right smoothly on his body to allow him to move freely anywhere he needs to go.” I know my warrior’s plate has left him entirely immobile before, and that it just won’t go to Tanaris period because it’s afraid of sandblasting. Believe it or not, back now in medieval-esque times, every set of armor is custom tailored. Because it has to be. Don’t let game mechanics fool you there. “Under his armor if you cared to look or get that far would have alot of scars from past fights.”
Hint hint hint.
“His Blood shot eyes are from drugs and his nature to stay up dates with out any sleep at all.” He’s awfully rebellious. Doesn’t he seem awfully rebellious?
“He says his age is 18 but, it could be anywhere from 16 to 20″ It’s nice to see someone that knows that you can’t determine exact age with a casual glance at someone. What’s disappointing is that this knowledge is used to go yeah, I’m legal, totally.
“For [personality] its almost crazy as he some times acts like a kid and others like a trained Assassin.” Then get him the hell out of the Animus before his mind goes completely, obviously. Have you even tested that thing on minors, Dr. Vidic? Personality is one thing, but variety in behavior this much is… let’s say it’s tied to a point in life where hormones play a cruel joke on you.
“On his left sholder arm there would be a Tattoo of the Steelmane Tabard in dark red ink that almost looks like blood.” Has he been draining his eyes? I hope he didn’t get a tattoo with other people’s blood. Love to see someone try that and freak out from the allergic reaction.
How did we get here? Let’s see.
“Zar was born in Gilneas into a family that lost there respect with the nobles, when the war with the worgen came to be Zar had just got done killing his parrents off as they where “Holding me back” As he described it.”
“Somebody help! Wolfmen are jumping from the rooftops!”
“Five more minutes! Christ! Lye’s hard to work with, okay?!”
“Once the Night Elves came and got Zar back into “His right mind” as they called it. They let him go even though he wasn’t still sane.”
“Hey, Priestess? This worgen started combing his hair in front of his face and telling people they don’t own him.”
“What? You did the thing, right?”
“Yes, we did the thing, but–”
“With the bowls of water?”
“Yes, the thing with the bowls of water, but–”
“Then let him go? Sheesh! He’s certainly fine.”
“During his little stay in Darn he hatted it becouse there was Elves there, and Zar hated elves becouse he had to kill three just to get to his armor.” Let’s see. On one hand, the elves rescued me from being a feral beast for the rest of my life. On the other, three of them – probably with families – just happen to be physically between me and my stuff. Well, only one thing to do.
How can we make this better? I like to think in my heart of hearts that this fellow can’t get any roleplay because this is abhorrent. However, I know that there are enough other people who think Fight Club was a feel-good movie meant to be emulated that this guy has plenty of company. If ever, though, one wants to grow up and join us on the intellectual high ground, well, there’s one big thing to fix, and the rest ought to fall in place around it.
Get from there to here. You can be here and take that as ‘proof’ that your character’s way of doing things works, but the rest of us won’t take you seriously. You’re a sonovabitch that flips between being jocular and going for the jugular? You wouldn’t be some fancy rogue with fitted leather. You’d have been shot when they thought you were still feral, if not sooner for murder, or later when trying to attack people in Darnassus. Just because you’re roleplaying as if that’s what happened doesn’t make it realistic or believable.
We can’t inherently attack being an anti-hero and all the other accoutrements here. What we can say, though, is that there’s a very large population out there bored of it. It’s a trope and a cliché at this point and you’re going to want to roleplay as a person eventually, not a personification of the word “badassed.”
Lanuria Dawnblade, a.k.a. Courtney Adler, aspires. She's an aspiring DM, aspiring photographer, and aspiring wife. She lives in Monroe, Wisconsin and complains about the weather far too much. She enjoys The Big Bang Theory and singing the songs from Glee.
Varendil Dawnblade, a.k.a. Taylor Vincent, is a 22-year old writer, student, World of Warcraft player, and 4th Edition DM. He lives in Monroe, Wisconsin with his fiancé and their jade plant, Esmeralda. He likes Douglas Adams and The Venture Bros. He hates Toni Morrison. Don't even ask. 
I wanna make a Repercussions of Evil reference so badly, but I feel if I do more than one a year it’ll get lamer.
So instead, I’ll just do the following.
“Conformist elves. *hair flip*”
August 4, 2011 at 5:57 pm
Sorry but the “I hates elves cause I had to kill three of them” just for armour made me laugh.
I had to kill these people! Dammit I hate them for making me do that!!
August 4, 2011 at 7:37 pm
Yeah like… they should have just given him his armor! FO SRS! Couldn’t they see he wasn’t stable and he NEEDED armor?! It’s only logical!
August 5, 2011 at 1:45 am
Aw, so sweet. Maybe one day he’ll grow up to be a real roleplayer?
August 4, 2011 at 9:20 pm
I hope that’s not Chris’s blood!
On a serious note, this guy sounds like a minor based on his spelling errors.
August 4, 2011 at 10:05 pm
This RSP is “holding me back”…
*kills it*
August 4, 2011 at 11:00 pm
Maybe he’s the Ultimate Warrior trying to embrace Destrucity..?
I can’t believe I just typed that.
August 5, 2011 at 12:38 am
ARLAGHALSBDLRHGH HOKEHOGAN! WHARHAGBLAKSRDAGHAGHAGHA! *skronk*
August 5, 2011 at 2:44 am
I mean ALL he needs to DOis to WRITE HIS RSP in a very WIRD and very RNADOM stress on RANDOM words in the SENTENCES.
August 5, 2011 at 7:49 am
IWILLMEETYOUONTHESTEPSOFDEFEATHULKHOGAN
YOUCANNOTESCAPETHEPOWAOFTHAWARRIORRRRRRRRRRRRRR
-many skornkings-
August 5, 2011 at 9:29 pm
what if this guy is secretly roleplaying an adventurer and he is simply roleplaying an adventurer as the psychotic bastards they are
“I HAD TO KILL THREE ELVES JUST TO GET THIS ARMOR”
=
“I HAD TO KILL HUNDREDS OF ALLIANCE JUST TO FARM MY FULL VIC SET”
this man is truly a genius
August 5, 2011 at 1:57 am
Ahahaha oh man. This gives me the giggles. See this is a Mary Sue in a way we don’t see as often: rather than “I’m the prettiest princess/biggest muscliest baddass of them all” it’s the actualisation of teenage angst.
“My parents won’t let me do everything I want, I wish they would just die!” –> “My parents were in my way so I killed them.”
“My mom gave me flak about staying up late and smoking pot” –> “My eyes are red like a DEEEMON ’cause I NEVER SLEEP and DO DRUGS.”
“My parents make me do stuff and go shopping” –> “I hated Darnassus because I had to put forth effort to get stuff.”
“I don’t know how to RP a character with a defined personality” –> “I’m ttly darkity darkassed but still LOL SO RANDUM WIF MAI FRENZ ^___^”
And you know what, I’m actually kind of okay with this. Is it terrible writing and characterisation? You bet it is. Do I want to slap the player with a dictionary for his/her Schrödingerian descriptions (“on his shoulder there WOULD be a tattoo but he got carded at the door and turned away ’cause he didn’t have a parent’s signature”)? Oh yes indeed. But this particular brand of BS is just a phase. Sooner or later puberty will pass and s/he’ll be physically capable of thinking like a normal human*, and realise how completely, hilariously silly this character was. Then they can tell self-deprecating stories about the dumb crap they pulled in their youth in RP and share a laugh about it.
In the meantime I’ll continue to giggle while ZARA AND DEMON BOY ride(s) the lolbus to school.
*Fun fact: the teenage brain is remarkably different from that of children and adults, both chemically and physically.
August 5, 2011 at 2:05 am
As an afterthought, ever notice how these child/adolescent prodigy characters are always torturers and assassins? Never like…guard captains or brilliant scientists or con artists. They all gotta choose the same boring-assed, overdone ~*ninja master*~ crap. -_-
August 5, 2011 at 2:12 am
I thnk you nailed it. They’re projecting themselves and their insecurities on the characters, but one day it will stop. Most of those kids grow up. Very few keep being angsty assholes or loons, so… Yeah, I guess I’m fine with this too. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t call his bullshit if he approached me, simply because it’s laaaame. kid’s gotta learn, the world is cruel.
August 5, 2011 at 2:35 am
If my computer wasn’t broken I’d make a 16 yearold con-artist.
“‘Ey, mistah! D’you care for a magic trick? Only 5 copper!”
August 5, 2011 at 2:54 am
Or maybe a young Moist Von Lipwig. Or something.
August 12, 2011 at 10:44 am
My head explodes now. I am sick of 18 yearold characters who murdered their parents fur teh lulz. I believe my youngest RP character is 27.
Those characters almost scream “I’m legal and dangerous, come screw with me!”
I blame anime for portraying murderers as super-hawt sensible guys.
August 5, 2011 at 2:59 am
So…
He’s…
Like Itachi and Sasuke from Naruto.
Lovely.
August 5, 2011 at 4:19 am
Yeah… the writer of this is either young, or just lacks the intelligence to spell simple words properly…
August 5, 2011 at 10:27 am
When I was a teenager, I played a city guard. *Nods*
August 5, 2011 at 10:48 am
/saturday-night-live-snl-digital-short-on-the-ground
This was the first thing that came to mind.
August 5, 2011 at 12:19 pm
… Fight Club -is- a feel good movie :<
August 5, 2011 at 11:06 pm
Never seen Fight Club. I feel like I should, though, because apparently it’s one of those movies where your feelings toward it define you as a person, and I’m dissatisfied with the amount of labels I currently possess. It just isn’t enough.
When I was 14 I made a character named Baenhoof and she was a bloodthirsty berserker and she killed a tribemate with her bare hands when she was a preteen.
I’m okay with cutting this kid a little slack, cuz we’ve all done stupid shit as kids, but I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought of Naruto right off the bat. The character is just missing a sharingan.
August 6, 2011 at 6:48 am
I think it resonates more with white males, esp. teenagers, because they’re more prone to have the kind of ennui the movie’s premised on, (is premised a word?) but it’s good.
August 6, 2011 at 9:14 am
“Never seen Fight Club. I feel like I should, though, because apparently it’s one of those movies where your feelings toward it define you as a person,”
If people base their opinions of you solely on what kinds of movies you like. Just turn around and walk away.
People who are that shallow are not worth considering in my book.
As for the movie itself. I loved it. It was a good story and very well done, with a great twist towards the end that surprised me as I didn’t see it coming. I really advice watching it one of these days if you ever have the time and the occasion.
August 8, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Killing someone physically is so lame.
Death caused his mom to commit suicide.
He still had a happy childhood
August 6, 2011 at 7:09 am
This kind of reminds me of the young, uneducated male who played a female toon. How did we know he was young and “uneducated”? He gave his female toon size 33 C boobs. I know the article is around here somewhere, but too lazy to find it.
Anyway, this kid will grow out of his angst eventually. I made up some pretty stupid stories when I was younger too (used to RP LotR with a friend and would god-mod without realizing it, come up with “I want attention” stories etc.). We’ve all been through our teen years, we know how it can be tough trying to figure out who we are. Funny thing is, we never realize this stuff until we’re past it. And we never listened to our parents cause, when in your teenage years were they “right”?
August 6, 2011 at 6:28 pm
While on my little mage I encountered this character today in the Cathedral. It was nothing outta the ordinary, the character was rather full of himself and how ‘dangerous’ he was and my stubborn magey replied with many variations of ‘ooh, I’m so scared, you’re nothing but a bully’ and didn’t take him seriously.
What was outta the ordinary though was a shadow priest Nelf that decided to tell him “your entire guild should be killed themselves IRL. You all play cannibals and it’s creepy.” In OOC brackets in /say.
Whoa.
Yeah, I think the player of this particular character -is- young, but that was a bit uncalled for.
August 7, 2011 at 11:59 am
That’s a bit overboard. He can actually get banned for that.
Someone told me that in Trade, and they were offline for 3 hours after I filed a GM ticket. :>
August 8, 2011 at 6:04 am
This guy reminds me of that Barabos Havoc – “Worgen of Uldum” kid from a few months back.
August 18, 2011 at 6:00 pm
I know it’s cheap, and low (and this is way late), but I just literally lol’ed for three minutes at how much he HATTED Darnassus. I got a sudden image of little Mr. Chemical Romance running around putting hats on everyone in the city, and the trees.
That’s the real reason he had to kill those elves to take their armor. He’d run out of hats.
September 2, 2011 at 2:49 pm
This is funny as hell.
October 10, 2011 at 10:11 pm