Dire in More Ways than One
I’m nothing special. I’m just a normal purple-eyed giant tri-racial bear.
Click to embiggen
There might be quicker turnarounds in the history of the site, but this one’s the steepest.
“((Important OOC note after the description. )) ((Also please note, I use Giant Growth Potions for the effect, because of his IC height. I am NOT one of those GodModer, 12 foot Worgen breserkers, or w/e ))” For those of you learning about humor, that’s what we call the setup. The punchline will be later.
“M—- is most often found in his worgen form. His glowing purple eyes gaze out at the world, almost always lit up as part of the false mask of happiness he ‘wears’ in public.” Oh, you can tell a worgen’s health by the sheen of their coat and the wattage of their eyes. S’why I always feed mine eggs.
“His body was covred in soft, pale brown fur. Like most worgen, he had the usual clows, teeth, all that jazz.” Clows are also a strong indicator of health. “However his claws and teeth seemed to be oddly a bit longer.” Remember, ‘like normal but [better/deadlier/more masculine or feminine]‘ is the new normal.
“Overall, his worgen form seemed Bigger. He was taller than the average worgen male, and his body was built thicker, though he seemed to lack even an ounce of fat.” He was therefore killed when his unprotected heart slammed into his ribcage.
“When in his human form, he seemed fairly average beyond being a bit taller and more muscled than average.” Noticing a theme? While it’s true that in real life some people just do win out in the gene lottery, selling your character to us in that way is simply going to make a large number of us cluck disapprovingly and shake our heads.
“IMPORTANT!: On his left arm, the fur seems to be darkened in a strange pattern of leaves, vines and symbols of bears, such as claws, paws or roaring mouths. In human form, this exists as a tattoo.” Just mouths everywhere? Gibbering beasts are the symbols of bears now?
“Scars: -Bite mark on his right shoulder. This was the scar from the bite that eventually turned him into a Worgen. -Long, deep gash starting on his left shoulder and running down his body, ending on his upper-right thigh.” So how deep is it that it crosses the place where his vital organs are and manages to neither kill him nor chop his dick off?
Ready for that punchline now?
((Important OOC NOTE!! If you don’t like this, then simply don’t RP with him! And NO, I do not make this to Overpowered in RP. Its usually subtle.
M— had the fragemented soul of a long dead elven Arch Druid, whom is trapped in bear form, sealed inside his body through a bloody and sacrifical ritual. (Think Zul’Aman, but it’s not an Animal god)” And you thought being stuck as a hawk forever was the worst that happened if you went over your two hour animal limit. This guy was a bear, died, and then got sucked inexplicably into a worgen. “This spirt has augmented M—’s Bear form and combat prowess, aisde form protecting him from Mental assault. After all, who can beat two willpowers?))” Any wizard, bard, or psion worth their salt?
“Theme Song: Remember the Name – Fort Minor.” A theme song like this doesn’t make you hardcore. It means your character is pretending to be like people that are pretending to be hardcore.
How can we make this better? By taking a look in the mirror, you sod.
You’re not one of those godmoding worgen berserkers! The main difference is that you’re a foot or so shorter and have an elf trapped inside you for no good reason!
Call me an effete literary type, or out of touch, or whatever else, but being normal Plus Better isn’t how you make a character. You need depth, flaws, and those sorts of things come from personality, not from a story about an elf being chained within worthy of an episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 at best.
Lanuria Dawnblade, a.k.a. Courtney Adler, aspires. She's an aspiring DM, aspiring photographer, and aspiring wife. She lives in Monroe, Wisconsin and complains about the weather far too much. She enjoys The Big Bang Theory and singing the songs from Glee.
Varendil Dawnblade, a.k.a. Taylor Vincent, is a 22-year old writer, student, World of Warcraft player, and 4th Edition DM. He lives in Monroe, Wisconsin with his fiancé and their jade plant, Esmeralda. He likes Douglas Adams and The Venture Bros. He hates Toni Morrison. Don't even ask. 
An Animorphs reference?
This character seems like something I would pretend to be when I was when I was nine and me and my cousins would run through the woods and try not to get killed by each other.
Fun stuff. I like that you haven’t been using names, gives me hope that if you ever get one of -my RSPs I wont die of embarrassment.
Tobias would be proud.
October 18, 2011 at 10:32 pm
Oh, god…nostalgia’d HARD at the Animorphs reference.
And, am I the only one shaking his head at the size of his bite wound?
October 18, 2011 at 11:13 pm
No your not.
October 19, 2011 at 3:20 am
The only thing I raised an eyebrow at was the purple eyes and the inexplicable lack of understanding on the player’s part that this is how the model looks to begin with. Your worgen is tall, furry, lean, muscular, and has long teeth & claws. I’m sure it’s worth noting that he has skin and a liver, too, because those are also unusual.
And then I got to the “punchline” and just went “wat.
”
FFS after going on and on about how physically fit this character is, why does he need an ~*extra something special*~ on top of being a musclebound werewolf that turns into a giant bear?
Why the gods is that not “special” enough?! O___o
October 19, 2011 at 12:17 am
Man, whatever happened to Tobias or the rest of an animorphs? Did they ever stop the invasion of Earth?
Oh, you guys might get a kick out of this. Yesterday in Silvermoon (I know) I saw one of the Fluffy!belfs with “the voice of fluttershy”. Poor Fluttershy, first her wings, now this.
October 19, 2011 at 2:16 am
What’s a fluffbelf?
October 24, 2011 at 10:02 am
Well. Atleast he got the spelling of Kaldorei right.
On the other hand. The souls of Kaldorei are sacred to their people. The Kaldorei would hunt this creature down and kill it, merely to release the soul of one of their people who is for some reason trapped in this abomination.
Kaldorei are not a forgiving people.
They donot like outsiders. And they would never allow an outsider to trap a soul of one of their people.
October 19, 2011 at 3:24 am
I don’t know, they might if he was an ‘undesirable’.
October 19, 2011 at 4:36 am
It just seems like the average MRP I read on a daily basis. Everyone is so obsessed with their characters looking the all powerful ‘perfect’. It’s old. Lets start having fat lazy people run…errr…rather walk around and rp. I mean it’s really getting old. The chubby people get the RP! *goes and makes a fat rolly-polly elf* My turn to get all the RP now!
October 19, 2011 at 7:30 am
I wish they would let us make paunchy characters. It’s been 10 years since my priest first set foot into the World of Warcraft and he’s gotten pretty lazy over the years. Add in his poor diet and drinking problems, and it looks really odd that he still has a six-pack.
And no nipples or chest hair in his human form. That is also weird.
October 19, 2011 at 8:13 am
To be fair with the target audience WoW has, most RPers are likely to be young adults, and often they’ll want to be looking at something nice and RPing as a good-looking character. I myself am guilty of making the majority of my characters very attractive and I don’t see how it’s a bad thing on it’s own. Yes when you try and make everyone fall for you then that’s too far and god-modding, but playing as an attractive character shouldn’t be looked down upon, it’s their personality that determines if they’re fun to RP with.
As for this MRP though, it really is too far with the night-elf spirit story, just needlessly ‘special’.
October 19, 2011 at 10:23 am
I actually have a plump elf (pay no attention to that lean nelfy model you see on screen). She’s not a fighter, she’s a cook. Unfortunately, I haven’t played her in some months. :/
October 20, 2011 at 4:38 pm
My girlfriend has a chubby blood elf. Said elf is so sweet she gives me diabetes. Luckily my orc DK is largely immune to happiness, so he can be her guardian without exploding.
October 20, 2011 at 6:27 pm
Chubby power! *belly bump*
October 28, 2011 at 4:06 am
I play on a server with a worgen using a growth potion, and dude, they get fucking huge.
October 19, 2011 at 8:06 am
Oy. This fella seems like a decent writer, too. At least from what I’ve seen here. Granted, the weird lorebreaking and ZOMGIAMTEHAWESOME would turn me off from giving him a chance.
Funny, innit? A “creative” character tends to drive away rp, whereas if he were described without the crazy stuff that doesn’t belong in the flag anyway (the ooc crap and the lorebreaking excuses) he’d seem like an acceptable character.
Remember, everyone, don’t use your flag as an advertisement to try to lure people in. Use in-game interactions to catch and draw in other people, I cannot ask this enough. Pleeeeeeease stop using mrp for an in-game resume.
October 19, 2011 at 10:03 am
To be fair, that effectively is exactly what it is – or to be more accurate, it’s a cover letter. “Here’s a quick sample of my character and writing.” It oughtn’t stand alone but it’s a great way to either pique interest or chase people off.
October 19, 2011 at 10:15 am
Disregard this person. I want resumes, and damn your immersion.
October 20, 2011 at 2:18 am
Souls fragmented trapped inside of his body… He’s a horcrux!!
October 19, 2011 at 3:51 pm
LMAO
October 19, 2011 at 4:54 pm
Personally I think that people should be able to have thier character be what they want for thier $15 per month.
I mean Im not saying we should all follow his example, but I mean come on. The guy went so far as to even say right there (look at the screenshot if you don’t believe me) “If you don’t like this, simply don’t RP with him”
Got to give the guy credit where it’s due. And that aside, Blizz did the same thing that he seems to do in WoW -LORE- with the troll champions in Zul’ Aman.
Personally, I say let the guy be creative. We all are to some extent, or if not honestly our MRPs are probably a boring read. It’s a fantasy game, why not let people have fun with it?
October 19, 2011 at 5:43 pm
The fact that it’s powergaming, and lorebreaking is what we’re discussing here, nobody is discouraging him from playing the game, just offering suggestions on how he can improve. Each person can take it or leave it as they wish.
Why does every white knight use the exact same tired, irrelevant excuse? This is a place for criticism. If you object to criticism, ignore this. And if you wish to discuss more of how, exactly, a worgen druid having a kaldorei spirit trapped inside it to empower his druid abilities is against lore, we can do so, but it’d be like explaining why exactly the Hubble Telescope cannot be used to execute a surgical laser strike against the dragons invading Wales.
October 19, 2011 at 5:55 pm
^ Agreed completely.
October 19, 2011 at 7:43 pm
Well, go on then. Why couldn’t it be used against the dragons?
October 20, 2011 at 2:13 am
I’ve said this before.
You don’t buy game time. You hire it.
So the argument that they spend real life money on it. Is a stupid argument. It is not your own gametime. It belongs to blizz who allows you to use it for payment.
As such it is our duty to remain within the lore.
October 20, 2011 at 4:07 am
He is obviously playing his character the way he wants. The risk of that is just that people will mock you. If you play a lore breaking character that’s a risk you have to take.
October 21, 2011 at 1:57 am
I’m so sick of this arguement! “lol blizz breakes lore more than this vampire ninja pirate !”
It is Blizzard’s lore, they can change it, they build it up piece by piece.
October 22, 2011 at 12:56 am
What is it with all these ‘I’m so tough/moody/broody/have a full orchestra following me around’ theme songs? I’d like to see someone walking around with a song by The Poxy Boggards someday. ‘Drink ’til I Die’ perhaps…
Also… fur tattoos… why? How the hell does this work unless the fur is incredibly short and gelled up? They might be perfect one way, but what happens when someone runs up and ruffles up the fur and makes all those awesome leaves/vines/teeth/claws look like a complete mess? Or he so uber-strong that his hair is in truth steel wool?
October 19, 2011 at 8:16 pm
Maybe when this druid transforms, they are like one of those rat-looking-hairless-cats? … What a creepy thought.
October 19, 2011 at 11:32 pm
Ffffffffffuuuuu-
October 20, 2011 at 1:14 am
Better than my mental image, all I could think of is those odd people that airbrush designs onto their poodles. ( http://blog.jasonboyett.com/2008/12/dogs-airbrushing-awesome.html ) Poodle-Worgen, now that strikes fear in the hearts of the general population.
October 20, 2011 at 9:16 am
Maybe the “fur tats” look like brands on the fur maybe perhaps?
October 19, 2011 at 11:46 pm
Liberal and steadfast daily application of permanent marker.
Also, I would suggest a teaspoon of bacon grease with his kibble to give his coat extra shine, and Professor Macgillycuddy’s Magical Moonwell Elixir Shampoo to keep fleas, ticks, and unwanted exorcist contact away while keeping the coat smooth and frizz free.
October 20, 2011 at 7:27 am
It’s really not all that far fetched. Violet eyes are common amongst humans. (in game you can pick it). Magic has been seen in game to cause a glowing effect. (See dragons, blood elves) Soul imbued from a shard? Definetely seen in game. Soul shards through warlock spells, Displaced souls as seen through the Emerald Dream, need I say frostmourne? It’s a little extreme for my taste but…It’s doable. I don’t like reading an entire story in an MRP though. Those things should be found out through rp. Also, in regards to the kaldorei not being happy with a soul trapped in another being…I’m sure they wouldn’t know about it. They don’t seem to have any inate sense in detecting lost souls that did not go amongst the stars. As long as he didn’t go around saying “GUESS WHAT I CONSUMED!!! A SOUL SHARD!! Hurrr hurrr hurr” My two cents. -Anamaleth
October 21, 2011 at 12:59 pm
The animorph reference restored my faith in humanity. i deeply thank you for that
October 24, 2011 at 4:53 pm
I have RPed with this guy before and to say the truth? He needs to learn how to do it right.
October 24, 2011 at 8:47 pm