Laughably Terrible and Legitimately Terrifying
We hate to sound like a broken record, but the purpose of FlagRSP is for putting down a quick PHYSICAL description of your character. It is not for…whatever the hell this is. I’m looking at the boxes we have to select the category for the RSP, but I can’t even figure out which one to click.
WWWWIAFTMD?
Anyone else feel like they’re being watched?
Okay, this is the worst Choose Your Own Adventure book I’ve ever read. Oh, wait, it’s just a player telling me how I react to her. I’ma check off the box labeled “Godmoder” next to this WYSIWYG editor and move on to the rest of this little one-woman-show.
How Loa Can You Go
Despite our very condescending attitude here, there are very few absolute rules we have for roleplay. They’re little things: “Do not play a god” is one of them, for example, as are “Don’t play lore characters” and “Don’t tell us how we react to you.”
Why mention those three? Oh, no reason.
A quick WoWWiki search reveals that Mueh’Zala is the Sandfury loa of death, so we’re not only playing a godlike primal spirit, we’re playing a specific existing godlike primal spirit. We’re off to a great start. Past that, the rest is in the details.
A Grim Tale
Denizens of Silvermoon might be familiar with the following “imposing” character:
First of all, Grimtotem Mercenary Captain Grimful Ebonwind “The Cruel” is quite the name. Call this a pet peeve of mine, but I really hate it when a person’s RSP takes up HALF my screen because you have to have every. Single. Title. In your rsp.
Height: 12’5″ Okay, bro. According to WoWWiki, the average height of a playable male tauren is eight feet, with the tallest being roughly nine feet tall. So, you’ve tacked on an extra THREE FEET on to a nine foot tall creature and think this is okay? Have you seen the people that are three feet taller than a normal person in real life? They tend to die very early, or live very uncomfortable lives. Hell, most are tall due to gland defects or something along those lines. The tallest man ever, Robert Wadlow, died at the age of 22 because he got a blister on his ankle due to a brace. And you expect me to believe this freak of nature can be a goddamned mercenary?
Weight: 1005 lbs I’m going to let Varendil handle this math. Again citing WoWWiki, the average male tauren is 400 pounds. Increasing a creature’s height increases its mass cubed. So, we plug the average height and weight into something like the Ponderal index and consider that this fellow is fifty percent taller than average, which is like a nearly nine foot tall human. Crunch the numbers and we find out that in order to be “to scale” and not too skinny-looking for his height, this fellow would need to weigh fifteen hundred pounds. That’s the weight of an IRL car or a healthy Holstein, mind you. Congratulations on your emaciated badass.
Okay, yeah, insulting someone’s imaginary weight with real life math is a pretty low blow, but how often does one get to say ‘emaciated badass?’
Immunity: Awww, crap! Runic-ward against various shadow-based spells and a high tolerance to pain and stun effects, use caution when engaging. Because having weaknesses is for bitches! Do we have a context here? Does he have a high tolerance to pain compared to other warriors, or compared to newborn kittens? Or is it just a product of the Iron Will talent? In short, how much of his awesomeness is because of his training and class, and how much is you puffing up his awesomeness? Yes, I’ll be sure to be careful when I attack the malnourished cow standing around Silvermoon (More on that later).
An artist's depiction.
He constantly seems to snarl with a fierce and agressive glare of his crimson red eye, his teeth unusually sharpen to razor-sharp points, suggesting cannibalism. So the man enjoys a good steak once in a while! Nothing wrong with that! Anyways, sharp pointed teeth don’t suggest cannibalism. Most people who practice cannibalism don’t sharpen their teeth at all. They simply use the teeth they eat another meat with. Sharpening your teeth is painfully stupid, especially when you accidentally bite your tongue. What about biting your cheek? Light, you’d look like that one Forsaken model! Seems like a good way to give the girl- or boyfriend a unique and special pain, too.
Like you’d know anything about that.
One of these days, Alice.
At other times, he seems completely emotionless or drunk and buzzed off of something he was probably drinking or smoking and often tries to make himself intimidating and usually seems quick to anger. So he’s either angry and pissed off…or drunk and pretending to be angry and pissed off. Such range! Such character development!
Now, here’s something unusual. The middle part of this RSP is AMAZING. It’s perfect! I don’t think I would change much about it, the writing style is great, the character description tells us everything we need to know about this character. We know he has an eyepatch, he has some runic tattoos and His left horn was a fake and screwed into his head, but unless inspected closely, it looked real, which is actually a pretty nifty idea. This paragraph is what SHOULD be in your RSP, not the stuff before this paragraph and not the information that follows it. Although you say “screwed in” – your tauren had a threaded socket installed in his skull?
He usually peers around searchingly for eye-contact, looking for an excuse to beat someone up for his own amusement and often just appears to be a large drunken bully with no motive behind his actions, other then money and taking pleasure in others pain. So… am I supposed to feel bad for the impossibly large skinny drunken fellow wandering around starting shit with random people and trying to look tough? Because instead I’m hoping there’s some real adventurer in that tavern, a female he tries to mack on or something, that just levels the guy with one punch and leaves him in a pool of drool, blood, and mystery warm yellow liquid on the floor.
How can we fix this? This one is actually a simple fix, because most of it is a good RSP. Hell, if not for the absurd Big Mclargehuge and the “Look at me, I’m such a badass!” part of the RSP, it would be perfect. Honest. If we remove the beginning and the end of the RSP and leave the juicy character description middle, this RSP wouldn’t even need to be featured here. But since it’s there, it’s here. Oh, and one other thing. If you’re going to tell us things about your character in your RSP, please make sure they actually do work with your RP.
“It was also quite obivous, that he was annoyed by Elves.”
Because Silvermoon City is THE destination for those who HATE Elves.
No Mystery Here
Remember elementary school? Heading to the library to grab a book because you needed something to pass the time because we all didn’t have video games back in the day. You wanted adventure, excitement and you wanted to think, be actively challenged, and you wanted it all at one time. So, you picked up a choose your own adventure book. And don’t lie, you always flipped ahead to see if you were going to die in the end. It’s okay, we all did it.
Those books were good. This RSP, however, is not.
Today we have ArrØdis Ðeathstrike, a character so badass, he has to have a special character for his last name as well. I also wonder if he has had a lovely høliday in Sweden, where he saw the løveli lakes and encountered the majestic møøse. Ya know, a møøse once bit my sister!
We apologize for the fault in the blog entry. Those responsible have been sacked.
First off, we have a quote that sounds like someone has been trying to make improvements to one of Robert Frost’s poems, Fire and Ice. Whilst it is true that fire will turn you to ash, the element shows its mercy in its speed to end you. Yes, because the burning and the searing pain of your flesh melting from your body isn’t as painful as the cold that comes about from hypothermia. I dunno, about you, but I would take the cold death in a heartbeat. Very peaceful. Let me show you a pain so slow and intense, that you had wished not to have been created let alone cross my path. I’ll take it over the fire, kthnx!
Remember those books I mentioned before? This RSP reads like one! As your bias and judgmental eyes gaze upon this elf, you feel a sudden and violent drop in body temperature. I’m only biased and judgmental against RSPs like this. And while I’m being judgmental and biased, you’re going to have my core temperature drop. We haven’t even raised a weapon to you and you’re getting ready to give us a taste of the arctic north lands. This guy could make a killin’ at a resort, putting little ice cubes in drinks and cooling everyone off with his body. I hope he comes to Florida for the summer! His armor – scourge like and menacing – demands the fear of all who inspect it. Pro tip: The expansion is Wrath of the Lich King. We are currently raiding Icecrown. EVERYTHING is scourge like and menacing. I also hate demanding armor. Nag nag nag, it’s all it does!
A menacing mask hides the bottom half of his face. Why does he hide himself or better still, Whom is he hiding from? Hiding from our judgmental and biased eyes, I assume. Though he only hides the lower portion of his face, so we can see his eyes, which are usually the most noticeable thing on a persons face. Why do you think so many super heroes only covered their eyes with a strip of cloth. You remove or add something near or around your eyes, you are a completely new person! Just look at Superman. Those glasses were all he needed. Covering up the bottom part of your face doesn’t hide much, unless you’re Jay Leno, of course.
If you are done gazing at the man, please continue reading below.
You have decided that you can come to only one, frightful conclusion. The undead man, who seems to taint the very space you both share, can be no other than one of Lich King’s, once unholy champions – a Death Knight. OH CRAP GUYS, A SCARY DEATH KNIGHT. SO EVIL, SO POWERFUL, WE HAVEN’T GOTTEN USED TO WORKING WITH THEM FOR THE PAST YEAR AND A HALF RUN AWAY!
The harder you stare at the man and try to piece together a plausible tale, the more apparent the fact becomes. Why does he wear a mask? Why does his RSP read like a choose your own adventure book? This man is nothing more than an enigma; an enigma the eyes and thought alone cannot possibly crack. We will need to touch him. And smell him. And possibly taste him if we to crack the enigma that he is.
He exudes such a twisted and dark energy. It seems to pulse and infect everything surrounding; what price did he pay for such unnatural power? I hate it when people’s exude dark energy and infect me. Reminds me of the drunk people I deal with at work. The price he paid? At first, I was going to say that he died to the Lich King/Scourge and was raised up as a death knight to do his master’s bidding, but I figured he only paid about a buck fifty for it.
Could he be a Knight of the Ebon Blade? Maybe he’s a Death Knight, loyal to the Forsaken or could this elf serve a sinister, more evil purpose? Well, any death knight is a Knight of the Ebon Blade and most people who are part of the Horde are somewhat loyal to the Forsaken, since they are a part of the Horde as well. But, it could be darker. More mysterious! He does have a mask on, you know he means dark and dangerous! The many questions that fill your head will simply not leave you be. Why is this character so cliche? Why doesn’t he lay of the dark and dangerous bit? Did I leave the oven on?
The familiar voice that lies in the back of your mind begins to speak. “You need to go to the store and get milk!” That voice that has always guided you to reason screams and begs your attention once more. “Beware curiosity! Combat these leading thoughts!” it cries. I don’t think that is how everyone’s inner monologue goes. Mine is usually showtunes. “Loathing. Unadulterated loathing.”
You come to two, final questions “Will I give into curiosity, approach him and seek my answers out, or will I leave and simply let him be?”
If you give into curiosity, approach the man and seek out your answers, please turn to page twenty seven. If you leave and simply let the dark, enigmatic man smirk behind his mask while he broods about dark and mysterious things, please keep reading. Remember, though. It is the answer to those two questions that will determine what happens next. It all lies in your hands.
You’ve deiced not to confront the man before you. You leave the man atop his death charger, brooding as you pass him by, ignoring the fact he has god modded his way into everyone’s mind and made himself look like a kid with far too much of his mom’s makeup under his eyes and squeezed into his sister’s pants. The one you see standing outside the local Hot Topic. You win the game. Congrats.
How can we fix this? It’s going to be hard, but right now, I think it can be saved. When you take out all the hypothetical questions, all the dark, brooding text and what we call “Shadowfap”, we know that he is a death knight with blue eyes with a mask on, all of which we can tell from looking at the character model. Instead of giving the readers questions to ask, you should make the reader ask their own questions about your character. There is mystery in telling the readers that your character is wearing a pendant that doesn’t seem to have a certain meaning, why a hand is covered with a glove but the other isn’t. There isn’t any mystery in “Whom is he hiding from?” “Why is he so dark?”, to be honest, the questions seem like a cry for attention. “Look at me!”, the death knight yells, “Look at how dark and creepy I am! You should be very afraid of me!” Make the reader question you and think for themselves.
In closing, RSPs like this do not leave much to the imagination. One of the most interesting parts of role play is getting under your character’s skin and figuring out what questions they would ask and why they would ask them. Going into someone’s mind and saying “THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE THINKING!” takes away from that mystery. If you want to be dark and mysterious, I suggest figuring out what part of your character’s personality is dark and mysterious and find a way to make people question him…without asking the questions for the reader. Your RSP is not a choose your own adventure book, but your RP should be like one. Instead of letting the reader flip ahead and see what will happen in the end, make it so that the reader will want to play along and see what happens.
Final thought: Møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti…
We apologize again for the fault in the blog. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.
What Face and Palm Were Made For
Sometimes I feel guilt about this blog. It’s not often, since my heart is two sizes too small, but it does happen. Today is not one of those times. I’m going to savor every ounce of rage I vent today.
See what I mean?
“Quinnt is actually… Smart, hard to notice, but he acts crude and disorderly to eveyone but people who are Mages aswell or friends.” Really? Acting like a gibbering cockwit to everyone that isn’t a finger-wiggler or a buddy seems like a smart thing to do. That’s the first word I’d use to describe it. This behavior, though, makes me wonder how you made those buddies. Are they all fourteen years old too?
“Quinnt’s voice doesnt match up with his appearance at all… it has a slight hint of taunting superiority at times.” Really? Because of the line I quoted above, I’m basically imagining you as Roger Klotz, so the idea of taunting superiority fits right in. “For any of you that has played…” I hasn’t. Although that’s the third Richter Belmont reference for those of us keeping score at home.
“Quinnt always wears robes that are at least 2 sizes larger than his normal size.” But if he always wears those, then they are normal for him, which means he has to go up another two sizes, and then those are normal… with this guy running around, I don’t know how frostweave prices keep falling.
So. You’re swimming in your robes… you’re a Ralts with Roger Klotz’s face and Richter Belmont’s… I dunno, smugness and heels?
“Hypermode… Drawbacks: Major Fatigue, Memory Loss, Cripples, Possible Death.” Psh. That’s no worse than the risk from watching any Coleman Francis movie.
“Mirror Image: (This idea started before Wotlk was even announced, and now that the spell is actually ingame…) Failed and Aborted.” Let me get this straight. You’re working on a mirror image spell and some trainer or Kirin Tor group or worse, both the Alliance and Horde independently at the same time beat you to the punch. Do you a) man up, admit ‘defeat,’ and get good at (read: glyph) the spell? Hell no.
“Hey, Quinnt, you were always interested in Mirror Image. Pop it quick.”
“Uh… no.”
“Why not?”
“Uhh… um… I can’t! I failed. Like… it doesn’t work! If I try to cast it, my, um, like my arm will fall off and start casting Frostbolt at things. Or they’ll all come out retarded.”
Can you guess which is the real Quinnt and which are the mirror images?
And yet we’re to believe that this guy’s a ‘Dalaran Archmage.’ “Then Rhonin’s gonna tell me about the rabbits again.”
Now that we’ve gone through the actual character description part of the RSP, we can get down to the meat of it: Quinnt’s whiny little tirade against seemingly everyone. Quinnt’s rant makes me think fondly of the reasonable shouting of Glenn Beck.
“And thanks flamers, you’ve finally got your wish by getting 6 or more guilds to completely ignore me.” No, I suspect that with diplomatic language like this, you got all these people to ignore you. “But I dun really give a fuck, cause if you are reading this you probably already are on ignore list, and the cops are on the way to your house.” Joke’s on you, I live in an alleyway and am stealing McDonald’s wifi to post this, I don’t have a house. But beyond that, what the hell is this? Are you trying to threaten us or just faux-threaten us? If it’s the former, you’re a complete and utter idiot. If it’s the latter, you’re… well, a complete and utter idiot, but you’re also trying to look manly by calling the police, which is what little old ladies do when kids are on their lawn and the most ungangsta thing possible. It’s like if Eminem tried to make it big by writing a strongly worded letter to the local newspaper’s Blossoms and Barbs section.
How can we make this RSP better? Truth be told, the character description stuff isn’t all that bad. I could tell you to stop with the Belmont character worship, but everyone emulates a little, that’s okay. And yes, I am going to make a fuss about the experimental spells. They do make you a godmoder, but the simple fact is that you don’t need them. They provide no net gain. There are lots of ways to demonstrate a near-fanatical devotion to magic or a disregard for personal safety that don’t involve you polymorphing yourself into a Sue, because let’s face it, these potentially fatal spells are never going to kill you, at least in any way that’s meaningful.
No, the best way to improve this RSP would be for its writer to GROW THE FUCK UP. I came to this conclusion right about the time that he asks me to flame him (gladly), tells me he called the cops on me (qua?) and then states that everyone with FlagRSP that’s reading this the RSP is a prick (NO U).
I have two rules that I attempt to follow when being critical of other people: one, don’t call people a kid. Everyone’s been there, there are many kids more mature and reasonable than adults, et cetera. Two, and this is really the biggie, I always try to insult the character and the writing instead of the writer. We’ve all written things we’re not proud of, it doesn’t make us bad people. Quinnt’s RSP makes me throw both rules out the window and not feel bad about it. Either this guy’s age or his blood alcohol level is one-five. Either way: Friends, don’t let friends be Quinnt.
Demons? In MY Silvermoon?
It’s more likely than you think!
Everyone wants to play something different. Unique. Everyone wants to have a memorable character that people will talk about, but no one wants Varendil and I to talk about them. Wonder why?
Because people don’t know the difference between “being unique” and “being a speshul snowflake sex goddess.”
Oh yeah.
Today, we have Lesbian Succy Eastell Shadow Felprye, Grand Warlock and DEMON SEX SLAVE! This is going to be fun…and by fun, I mean painful. You forgot that she’s the ‘Queen of Agony,’ which is odd because I didn’t realize Ann Coulter planned on retiring.
Her crimson eyes burning brightly like rubys in the light. I’m not going to lie, I read this as rupee as first. If I had a rupee for every set of special-color eyes I saw I’d be up to my bomb bag in cuccos.
Medium size horns stick out from her head, her wings hidden with magic most of the time, But not her tail. Because horns and tails are erotic and can be used in your amazing lesbian ERP, but wings just get in the way, don’t they!? Of course. Everyone knows how hawt Dreanei girls are… Look, if your magic can cover up HUEG WINGS (Wings: Think of lock t6 wings, but they are black, with red claws.), it should be covering up all of your demon-ness. Since your magic can cover up the things that don’t work for your sexual wish fulfillment, can your magic cover up the rest of this awful RSP as well? Please?
I’m calling bullshit on the horns. You call them “medium size,” yet up above you describe them as 4′ 9″ long. This when your character is 4′ 8″ tall! So either they’re an inch tall and you need to take a mulligan on that sentence or they’re bigger than she is and she’s constantly falling over like the car in the Flintstones opening.
Her slender body would fit snugly into the revealing clothes she wore, her breasts of mid size, though a good bit on the large side of the scale. They are either big or they aren’t. There isn’t an ‘average but bigger than average!’ Either she is knockin’ around huge knockers or she isn’t. Make up your damned mind! Not to mention that it’s hard to fill out clothes if you’re slender, and that it’s hard to be slender with anything resembling large breasts or “perfect curves.”
…with feminine curves. Oh, damn. I was hoping she would have some Man curves. Ya know, like Man Faye. Now that’s a sexy man. Wonder if I can get Varendil to wear that…Hrmm..
No.
She would be friendly at some times, but can be somewhat evil at other times. Srsly? Behold! The character that dares to change emotions!
Eastell was enslaved by a warlock early on, along with her sister. The warlock eventualy died in battle, leaving the two free, after useing the two of them as sex slaves for years on end, over 28 years total. So, is that 14 years per each sister, or 28 years together? And sex slave? You are a POWERFUL FUCKING DEMON. Yes, the warlock has control over you, but not to the point where he could make you a sex slave. Most of the time, it’s the Succy that has powers over the warlock. At least, that’s how every. Fucking. Story goes. She traveled to Shadowmoon Valley and joined the ranks of the Illidari. So a demon joined the ranks of Illidan’s forces. But then… She then left once Shadowmoon itself was invaded by the Horde and Alliance, relising that it would not work out well in the end. OH THANK GOD. ONE DEMON weak enough to be enslaved for half a lifetime has the brains to bail on Illidan. No, it makes sense! She’s the one crazy enough to desert the Lord of Outland just because a few mortals with some floating wind chimes show up. Her sister Feona meanwhile, had been aiding others of the Elves for a bit, trying to earn a place in their ranks. Because the Elves weren’t trying to kill the demons in Outland during this time, right? Yes, I would be willing to accept some free roaming demon into the ranks of the blood elves. Not a problem at all. When I think “race of people that hide in the forest and jack anything that tries to get near their city,” I think of flexible and generous immigration policies.
Exparimental Moves. I’m not touching this with a ten foot pole. It’s bad enough you’re a demon GRAND Warlock that is able to prance around the cities of the Horde, I don’t want to know that you’re MAKING Up spells because the ones you have aren’t enough.
Fine, I’ll go after it and simply point out that every one of these, with the exception of the poorly defined “Soul Burn,” which I am forced to assume involves burning my soul, is a more powerful version of a spell already in the game. Can’t you at least be more creative in the process of making your needlessly demonic and powerful character more demonic and powerful?
How can we fix this? We can’t, unless there is a total retcon of the character. I hate it when a character is so bad that it can’t be fixed with a few simple tweaks, but this is one of those instances where a character would need a total transformation.
Lan, wait. That thing in my chest is acting up.
Your heart?
Yeah, that. We have to at least try to help. Let me get my bullhorn.
Ahem. DON’T PLAY A GODDAMNED SUCCUBUS! IS IT SO HARD TO PLAY ONE OF THE TEN RACES INCLUDED IN THE GAME WITH THEIR COUNTLESS BACKSTORY POTENTIAL? NO, YOU HAD TO BE A DEMON FOR NO GOOD REASON! Seriously, play a blood elf if you play a blood elf. There’s no character arc to demons, going from chaotic evil to lawful evil doesn’t count. If you were really into the demon aspect of your warlock, it’s not a bad idea to give your demons a personality and most Warlock RPers do this. But you..you rolled a Warlock. You summon demons, you yourself are not one.
Don’t describe yourself as average but awesome. “Normal-sized but large” breasts are probably the most obvious example of this in RP in general, and it needs to stop. Generally, when an RSP is more self-contradictory than Roy Ashburn’s politics, you should really step back and examine yourself. . Oh, and RSP isn’t for character histories. We can’t tell that from looking at you. Besides, if you hadn’t put it up, we couldn’t have made nearly as much fun of you.
Anything else we need to point out?
Besides the fact that Demonic and Eredun are the same language and that elven years are 365 days long just like human years? Nah.
That’s all from me, then. Lanuria out.
I looked up Eastell on the armory and she’s Demonology specced. But… she’s a demon. Does that make her like a cannibal or something? Varendil out.
What’s This?!
Another loathsome RSP has befouled your eyesight.
Oh dear God. Well, I suppose I should be more respectful – after all, this guy’s a grand master, having been awarded the title from the nonexistant warlock accreditation organization. The fellow’s name is Brägg, which is pronounced “Braygg,” which is probably the least threatening warlock name ever. No wonder he has his Indian Native American First Peoples name afterword to try to restore some of his masculinity.
I want to continue mocking, but I just can’t! I’m… compelled, apparently, as “You begin to trace its massive figure, examining every detail of its form.” It seems I don’t get a choice in the matter, I’m automatically undressing this guy with my eyes. That might be a good thing, though, since it seems that this fellow’s armor is ugly. Very ugly, if we’re to believe Braygg himself. “The grotesque armor stings your pupils, unnatural and defiant of the very will of logical design. Wrought with sickening twists and harsh coloration that meshes so horrifically well, it borders frightening.” Aah! It’s like he’s taken one of Lovecraft’s descriptions of something unnatural, digested it, and presented us with the ‘end product,’ whole kernels of corn still mixed in.
“The shoulder pads emanate a violent and corrupt cloud…” Clouds can be violent? Even the talking ones on Family Guy were somewhat ambivalent. They never even attacked after all their planning. I’ve never seen a cloud commit a crime, but I have seen one charged. …get it? Like, lightning, an electric charge? Okay, I’m sorry.
“…of dark black spores…” Dark black? Really? As opposed to light black. I don’t think I can make a joke here without saying something incredibly insensitive about Wesley Snipes.
“Then it happens! Your hands begin to twinge with a sweet array of pains[.]” You say that like the burning and stabbing feeling in my hands is inevitable. “Burning, delicate pricks of needles run quickly up your spine as the air grows hot and dry. The heat becoming almost unbearable as you could swear that the very Fires of one thousand hells burned but mere inches from your person.” Help! This warlock is subjecting me to menopause!
“Climactically it all comes to an abrupt stop…” When things suddenly stop, isn’t that the definition of anticlimactic? Then, to paraphrase, this guy apparently Alas-Poor-Yoricks our skull with a magic claw while it’s still in our head doing skull stuff.
“Mind your eyes pup. I can see you too.” Ooh, he learned his orcish from Watchkeeper Gargolmar.
How can we make this better?: Normally I try to provide ways for people to improve their RSPs after I’m done mocking them, because then I can smugly feel like I’m accomplishing something and not a complete asshat. Unfortunately, there’s nothing worth saving here. This guy is too wrapped up in his own awesomeness. He is apparently mindfucking every person that so much as casts a glance across him, at once, and then talking to them. And the whole time we’re supposed to believe he’s chaotic good. Yeah, Robin Hood and Malcolm Reynolds like to dig claws into people’s brain stems.
Normally, the best way to deal with godmoders of any variety is to ignore them. Here, though, we may need a different tact. We need a raid, good 20-30 people to just stare at this guy. He’ll have to give us all hot flashes, and then he’ll go OOM from it. And then we can beat him to death with his own non-Euclidean armor.
Although, since his shoulder armor apparently just pumps dark black smoke constantly, maybe Captain Planet will beat us to it.
This kid's gonna kick your ass.
Varendil out.
I Think Your Aura is Broken.
Wow, it’s been a while, eh, internets? Well, we’re back and guildless! Know any good guilds wanting a Ranger and Priest for a Heavy RP guild? :3
We’ve made a few changes to the blog. First of all, I am going to censor names unless people really do demand the names back. Also, I plan on doing something different once in a while. Good RSPs! Holy shit, people, they do exist. I just need to..ya know, find some. I’m also opening an e-mail for the site (roleplayerslament@gmail.com) to the tubes. So feel free to send me those RSPs and that hate mail!
Anyways, on with the RSP!
Ah, Silvermoon. How I have missed you. Here we have someone who goes by 9001 different names, (Her in game name, Elizabeth, Lizzy and Elie!)who isn’t like most mages.
Protip to those reading: most of the time, when are RSP starts off with “Not like most..” you’re usually in for a treat!
Now, Elizabeth here isn’t like most mages, this one is nice. Ya know, because other mages aren’t. Obviously, she is the exception to a rule which never existed! She’s so sweet, she’s so kind..oh, why wasn’t she a priest? Because priests are always so nice and caring! Priests are never rude and cruel to those around them!…Oh, wait, nevermind. No. You are not a special exception to a rule that doesn’t exist. Not all mages are power hungry Kael’thas imitators and not all priests are sweet loving little Saint Teresas of Ávila, saving the poor and weak.
Native Tongue: Eredun.
Wait. What? Isn’t that the..tongue of the..ya know..demons? Like..Archimonde? Why is this Blood Elf, who is so sweet and loving and beautiful and has a heart of gold, speaking in the tongue of DEMONS?
Oh, ya. Special snowflake. Almost forgot. Sure, the Sin’dorei have begun to accept warlocks and their pets into their ranks, but they are still heading underground in Murder Row to learn their craft. Demons aren’t around to prance about the city on their own. Someone who’s native tongue is Eredun is most likely a demon herself. I’m sure the guards would have killed her and her pure golden heart by now.
Anyone within a about 10 yard radius around her will suddenly have the sudden mood of being calm. Don’t tell me what to do! I really don’t like the god-modding here. I didn’t know a person could make my character feel calm. What if Lanuria stumbled upon this girl and was in a very angry mood? What if this was right after the death of her step daughter? Would Lanuria just forget all that sadness and want to be around the Saint Eliezabelizzabub of The Burning Legion while she talks in Demonic and goes on about how she’s so much nicer than any other mage out there? No. No she wouldn’t.
And now, the kicker. Her eyes DO change color with her mood! Ya know, I’ve been RPing on Moon Guard for over a year now and sometimes I stumble upon a few people who have purple eyes, or maybe even red. Okay, ya, you’re wrong, but we can fix it. Never before have I actually seen someone who’s eyes DO change color with mood! And really, can we be a little more unique here?
Hot Pink = Love? Ugh.
How can we fix this!?
First of all, you are not the only mage out there that is sweet and kind. Just because you play a nice toon doesn’t mean you have to be some sort of saint. Just because you play a priest doesn’t mean you have to be a nice guy. I applaud you for wanting to play a nice girl, when most of the female players I’ve seen are typically Bitches, but you can be nice and still be a non-healing class.
Second, you don’t know Eredun. That is not your native tongue. Your native tongue is Thalassian. You also know Orcish and Common, but you don’t speak Common much anymore..at least, not around your fellow Hordies!
Third, your eyes are green. Fel Green. They have been that color for a few years now. They were blue before, but they only changed when you sucked the energies out of demons..not because your got happy all of a sudden.
Fourth, you don’t have the right to tell another person how their character is feeling. I don’t want someone telling me that my toon will feel a certain way about someone. This is what we call God-Modding and it is usually frowned upon. But if you really insist on making her appear to be this amazing lovely person, why not say something along the lines of “While around Eli, a person could notice the she always smiled and had a generally happy disposition that could affect those around her.” or something along those lines. Don’t take control of the reader’s character.
This RP could be saved if the player stepped back and realized that happy, sunshiny demons don’t prance around Silvermoon. Happy, sunshiny demons don’t exist. If people would stop trying to make their characters unique by adding frivolous things to their backstories, and add real things, like character flaws that work with lore, Silvermoon would be a better place.
Lan Out.
What a Wreckd!
When rolling on a Role Playing server, it is usually common knowledge to know the lore of what you are playing. Even if you don’t know it very well, there are plenty of websites out there to get you a quick over view of races, classes and the history behind them. Though this takes a little bit of reading and thinking on your part, it can help improve your story line, help improve the server and help you from not being viewed here.
Like this guy.
Meet Wreckd. A lovely example of a Blood Elf Death Knight here on Moon Guard. A fine example of the amazing role play that can be found in Silvermoon!
Now, before we begin, I have been asked a question about this blog. If I have an issue with someone’s rsp, why don’t I whisper that person and tell them how they are wrong? Well, with Wreckd here, I did. Sadly, screenshots didn’t survive the upgrade from 7, but I did save the chat log from the conversation.
13:37 [Lanuria]: ((I was reading your rsp..You do know that if your character was made at the age of 3 into a death knight..Arthas would have had to do it..107 year ago, right?))
13:37 [Wreckd]: ( No, he wasnt -at 3- )
13:38 [Wreckd]: ( He was “Taken in” at 3. He started training at like 11. )
13:38 [Lanuria]: ((Arthas has only been around for about…8 years?))
13:38 [Wreckd]: ( It has to fit the story, please stop arguing with me. I needed this guy to be living. ( Not undead ). So he could have feelings. )
13:39 [Lanuria]: ((You could still have a ‘living’ death knight, as much as I hate seeing them. But having Arthas bring this guy in for training before Arthas was BORN doesn’t make any sense.))
13:39 [Wreckd]: ( I didnt have time to 100% think it through. )
13:40 [Wreckd]: ( And Arthas existed before that, tyvm. consult the caverns of time, please. )
13:40 [Wreckd]: ( And Wreck is 19. I dont wish to argue about this. )
13:41 [Lanuria]: (Arthas was in his twenties, maybe almost thirty when he became the lich king..which happened..4 years ago.))
13:41 [Lanuria]: ((I don’t want to argue, I am just pointing out that your lore is wrong and you may want to fix your RP to work better with the lore.))
13:42 [Wreckd]: ( Actually, I wouldnt. It’d take too long. )
13:42 [Wreckd]: ( Though I’ll consider it. )
13:42 [Lanuria]: (Please do! It helps the server a lot when people actually follow the lore instead of making it up. 
))
13:43 [Wreckd]: ( Fine, fine. When are you saying I should say he was taken in? What age. )
13:44 [Lanuria]: ((Well, most death knights were killed in battle and raised up. I would say..5 years ago? Maybe a little less. I am not to versed in Death Knight lore, to be honest. Try reading [wowwiki.com] it may help you out.))
13:44 [Wreckd]: ( I cant really go into that much trouble to get it right, I’m just going to try to make it logicla. )
13:44 [Wreckd]: ( Logical* )
13:45 [Lanuria]: ((Alrighty, have fun then! Good luck!))
Sure, I’m not so good at Death Knight lore, nor do I know the entire time line of WoW, but Arthas is about..in his twenties maybe, yes? But from what I can tell from the Timeline on WoWWiki, Arthas’ turn came in the year 21…and The Wrath of the Lich King is based in the year 27, maybe it’s 28 now. Regardless, it’s only been seven years tops from when Arthas became a big bad meanie and began to raise death knights. It has not been over a hundred years.
Besides the blatant lore breaking of Arthas seeing some “use in him” as a small child (When Elf children are children for about…fifty years) and putting a demon inside of him (I didn’t know Arthas knew how to put demons in babies before he was born! Damn, he’s pretty smooth like that!) we also have the Special Snowflake RED EYES INSTEAD OF BLUE BECAUSE HE’S ACTUALLY LIVING.
Protip: Red eyes are awfully lame on a race whose eyes have only been two shades of colors; blue and green. Red is on the whole other side of the color wheel, no matter how you spin it, it just doesn’t work for elves.
Soon to be Druid Death Knight mix Wait, wat. How does that…you’re dead. You’re a blood elf. You are not a druid nor will you ever be. Blood Elves can’t be Druids. Death Knights can’t heal. Blood Elf Death knights will never be druids. Ever. I don’t care what kind of crazy story line you’ve thought of, it’s most likely as bad as the rest of your rsp. EDIT: Wreckd messaged me to tell me that the druid death knight thing was someone on his account, trying to act da fool and was not him.
(Took my friends word on it) Is your friend the age sheet on WoW Wiki? (in b4 someone complaining that WoWWiki’s life span sheet is wrong. I think it’s a pretty good tool to use.)
Strange tattoos? Markings no one else is familiar with? Light, could you be any more cliche? I bet they glow when he’s angry, too.
Burning down the village and taking him in as the only sole survivor?
Demon inside of him that he doesn’t know about which makes him stronger than anyone ever?
Being very young and still stronger than most?
Believe it!
When you roll on a role playing server, you need to do your research and learn about the character you are playing. Just because you think the concept of a demon infused death knight is a cool idea, the story line doesn’t work if you put it against the already established story line that is more well known than yours. Read a bit, learn the lore and we can all get along.
Just a little advice from your mean, evil blog that insults everyone. Also, Wreckd, why not try and use the Mary Sue test to see how you come out. I ran what I could find in your rsp through it already and got a total of 44. Sadly, I don’t know everything about Wreckd here, just going by what it says on the RSP.
I’m spent. Lan Out.
~*~Magical Marks in Goldshire~*~
Sometimes, in the world of Azeroth, we find amazing little gems. Sometimes we find amazing things, like fantastic role players with RSPs that only describe the appearance of their character..Or we find people like this. Reveiena Ravensstar Everblade.
For our first RSP, I went to Goldshire on my level 58 DK. I went there not to role play like every other level 58 death knight (Clad in black mageweave and the like), but to find a good first RSP…and after a while, I did.
Now, there are a few things that make a Mary Sue and a bad RSP stand out from the rest.
- Using words that would most likely describe an emotion to describe eyes.
- “Extremely”, “More than Others” “*Person or thing* always feel”
- Your or you
- “Asscheek”
- The word “asscheek” again.
Looks like Miss Ravenstar has all those and more! She also has
- Spelling errors, not just one or two, but from what I can see, over twenty.
- Relationship Status right at the beginning, so you know if you can hit that.
- Explaining things that can not be seen on a person, like personality or some type of lore.
- Butchering lore to make a character even more “unique”
Now, I’m not the most amazing role player. Long ago, when I began to start making backstories for my characters, my humans was half Night Elf, then I learned lore and she became a half Quel’Dorei. I don’t role play her anymore, though I have made the character into a Human Death Knight. But even in my noobishness of the Role Playing world, I never once made a character who had things on her ass-cheeks. Even if she did, no one would ever see them.
Nor have I had any character that had a tattoo that was imbued with such magics that allows a person to see someone else’s “Intentions”. How does that even WORK in an RP Situation? I would think it would require some OOC communications, yes?
‘((My character is blind, but she has a special tattoo that allows me to ‘see’ your character’s intentions when this mark takes over. Please, tell me what your character is intending to do so I can role play this out.))’
I think that most normal, good role players would say something to the effect of..
‘((lolno.))’
…which would cause a shitstorm of unneeded OOC drama.
‘((But this is my character, I will play her like I want, it’s my 15 dollars a month tell me what your character’s intentions are!!!11))’
Or something along those lines. It’s not needed. If you have to EXPLAIN something to someone you are role playing with to make your role play work, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.
That is what is wrong with Miss Ravensstar here. A combination of Mary Sue Beauty even though she’s a totally bitch who will “Ripe your spine out” if you touch her, blindness with a sixth sense, auras, and god-mode like role play with having certain classes “always feel” something around her.
Thankfully, in her tag, she has ((Dead on the 30th)) which means the character no longer exists! Rejoice!
-Lan
Lanuria Dawnblade, a.k.a. Courtney Adler, aspires. She's an aspiring DM, aspiring photographer, and aspiring wife. She lives in Monroe, Wisconsin and complains about the weather far too much. She enjoys The Big Bang Theory and singing the songs from Glee.
Varendil Dawnblade, a.k.a. Taylor Vincent, is a 22-year old writer, student, World of Warcraft player, and 4th Edition DM. He lives in Monroe, Wisconsin with his fiancé and their jade plant, Esmeralda. He likes Douglas Adams and The Venture Bros. He hates Toni Morrison. Don't even ask. 
