Hyl People
In the vein of things not being things, from the same player that brought us yesterday’s not-an-MRP comes today’s not-a-blood elf.
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The name is a typical, Blood Elfy name with an unnecessary Y in it. Spelling things with Ys makes them cool, y’know. Take it from Varendyl and Lanurya.
Ring Ring Ring Sandelphone
One who splits quills? Is there a big demand for that?
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Thanks to reader Silver for sending this one in. You were always cool, what with your Lugia and all.
Hybrid Theory
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Because both trolls and blood elves are known for their baronies, correct?
Putting the Con in Conjunctivitis
RP pet peeve #1297: People who chose the last names of their characters based on what they are now. Your dark, crazy assassin Darkblade was most likely born Daybreak or something not so…cliché.
The Island of Misfit Toys (With Bonus Contest!)
Lan here! I don’t have a good opening for this MRP, so I am going to just post it.
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‘Deathscrew’ is the kind of name I want plastered all over my vibrators!
Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby
Do you shardmind if I take a moment of your time?
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Oh gee, geode.
Ladies, Contain Your Orgasms
I beg of you, one at a time.
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How are we mortal fellows supposed to compete?
Good Characters Copy, Great Characters Steal
I can understand why some people use flowery prose when there are perfections like this running around.
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Did someone say Ashfire?
Some of My Best Friends are Ugly Girls
She’s not just a piece of meat, people. She’s a big piece of muscle.
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We’ll start at the end: “(Go away lore whores, don’t care what you think.)” First of all, you never put a period at the end of a parenthetical. Just saying. Second, we’re not lore whores. That would imply we got paid. We’re lore sluts. Third, you may not care what we think, but I think we have a readership that does.
All Annadria, All the Time
Only fitting that a few weeks after I get into a Dark Sun game, this comes a-floating into my inbox, thanks to commenter Palindrome.
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“‘Lady’ ‘Half-breed’ ‘Vermin’ ‘Ranger’” Heart? Seriously, though, worst list of potential tramp stamps ever. Follow me past the break where we end up in “da” club getting our Moongrind on.
Dagny and Lacey
Gentlemen… behold!
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When the words are misspelled, at least you know they’re not abusing the thesaurus directly. Let’s take a look inside.
Mommy and Daddy Issues
Lan here. You know, there are times we get submissions and I shouldn’t even read past the first screenshot, but morbid curiosity keeps me going.
Just let those two last names sink in for a moment. All nice and angry now? I know I am.
Thanks to Zara’beth of The Silver Twilight Society for the submission!
Words are Fun
DISCLAIMER: For Chrissakes, leave Lanuria alone, she’s not the one that writes these.
Varendil here. I haven’t had anyone (besides Darknest) mad at me in a while, and you know what that means for my haughty self.
A Spot of Good Advice: Roleplaying Disorders
Hey guys, Lan here. Time to get a little personal.
As some of my closer friends know, I suffer from having a few screws loose in my head. I have been treated and medicated for ADD and bipolar disorder several times, even once heading to the hospital to help with these issues. I was a cutter for most of my high school and college years. I’m finally getting back on my medications this week after about three years of not being on them, so I’m nervous and excited all at once. My mental disorders affect me and the people around me every day and it is not something I would wish upon my greatest enemy.
Now that we have our touching after school special moment over with, here’s something that made me raise an eyebrow.
Imperi-No!
Lan here, relieved to offer a death knight that isn’t a vampire.
You will read this.
Let’s play Count the Clichés! Are you ready?
Girl I Must Warn You
I thought that when Cata dropped, everyone would forget about Darkfallen. They were a scourge among the Scourge and a bane of all of us who actually liked vampires before Twilight.
Mmm. David Boreanaz. So delicious.
Ah, but I’m getting off track and dizzy. Vampires! WoW! Two great things that go worse together.
I can understand not noticing your hair is getting a little grey in the back, but not noticing your skin is getting grey?
This Would Be a Lyric Joke if We Knew Any Beyoncé
I’m in a good mood this evening since the Packers are going to the Super Bowl, so I’ll try to be nice to our latest addition.
To be honest, I only started reading this RSP because I misread the quote and thought it said ‘A spirit shits on a man’s chest.’ I have been spending too much time stalking Goldshire, it seems.
La Femme Makinà
How’s everybody been? As far as I’m concerned, you’re lucky to have me posting. Assassin’s Creed has me in its grip pretty badly. It’s painful to not be calling recruits down from the sky on people at the moment.
Almost as painful as this little self-promotion.
Free For All: I’m Turning Japanese
It’s been a while, eh? We have a lot of good posts in the works right now, but things like D&D, social lives and work has caused us to slack a bit on you guys and for that we are only somewhat sorry.
Maybe we just wanted to give a break from the fail? Now that we are getting our butts into gear, let’s get back into the swing of things with something short, sweet and kawaii.
- クリックして大きなに
Now, I’m not too big on anime. I’ve seen the normal Naturo/Bleach/Pokemon/yaoi that I hid from Varendil when I moved, but I’m pretty sure that this character is a rip off of something I haven’t seen. We have demon spirits, wings, and a voice by an anime character, not the VA. I don’t even know where to begin with this one, which is why I am going to leave this for you all.
But there should be some advice here, because I am the nice one on this site, so to Kokkoro 애교 kawaii desu ni chan, I will leave you with a Spot of Good Advice Varendil wrote a while back on how to take what you like from your crazy animus and make it into something real. Of course, you should always read up on the lore first to see if this character will work. Titan creation with wings and demonic outbursts is fun if you’re playing on Gaia, but this is WoW and you should stick to the lore when roleplaying here.
Readers, do you have any other advice for our friend here?
The Craven
Once upon an evening dreary
as I pondered quantum theory
on a deeper Wikipedia bender than I’d ever had before;
over the din of my typing, from my speakers came a piping
of the sound of Lan-Lan Skype-ing a new image to abhor
‘Tis some RSP,’ I muttered, ‘a new baddie to abhor.
This it is and nothing more.’
At the Bottom of the Slippery Slope
Morning, folks. Some people don’t realize that roleplay isn’t like law, where if it’s not expressly forbidden it’s okay. Roleplay’s a social contract, and just because you don’t know you can’t do something doesn’t mean you should. Take this guy for example.
Strap in.
An Area of Exponential Growth
Sometimes we stray from our stated purpose here at the Lament – making fun of RSPs. Sometimes a flawless RSP depicts a character in desperate need of help so we make fun of that instead. Today I’m happy to get to do both.
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Zero people dead when he’s born. Twenty people in the first thirteen years. Twenty more people in the next .25 years. The rate of change on that graph is frightening. Anyone better at math than myself wanna plot that and see how many trillions of people he’s killed by age 328?
Anachronism Theatre
I don’t think I can do a witty intro for this one without some booze in my system.
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Varendil, fetch me my rum! This is going to be a doozy.
Lanuria Dawnblade, a.k.a. Courtney Adler, aspires. She's an aspiring DM, aspiring photographer, and aspiring wife. She lives in Monroe, Wisconsin and complains about the weather far too much. She enjoys The Big Bang Theory and singing the songs from Glee.
Varendil Dawnblade, a.k.a. Taylor Vincent, is a 22-year old writer, student, World of Warcraft player, and 4th Edition DM. He lives in Monroe, Wisconsin with his fiancé and their jade plant, Esmeralda. He likes Douglas Adams and The Venture Bros. He hates Toni Morrison. Don't even ask. 
