Hyl People
In the vein of things not being things, from the same player that brought us yesterday’s not-an-MRP comes today’s not-a-blood elf.
Click to embiggen
The name is a typical, Blood Elfy name with an unnecessary Y in it. Spelling things with Ys makes them cool, y’know. Take it from Varendyl and Lanurya.
Outsourcing
Haven’t had much time to think about writing of late, what with moving and all, but apparently I don’t need to anymore, because you people – you people! – are getting too darn good at it. Observe. (more…)
From Goldshire With Love
When you list yourself as a “Damn Good RPer,” you’re really just asking for judgement.
Click to embiggen
Special AND different? Color me interested. (more…)
Apparently MRP is Short for MySpace Roleplay
I know we’ve covered lulzy little whinefests quite often lately, but they’re so much fun that I can’t help myself.
It’s nice to be appreciated.
Gold Star Character: When Prose Isn’t Purple
Lan here! Nothing for us to rip apart today! We have some posts in the works, but they are mind numbing and painful, so we are taking our time with them. In the mean time, I thought I would give you guys a nice pallet cleanser.
Most of you know about Varendil’s objection to Purple Prose and how some of our readers enjoy the RSPs/MRPs he tears down in those posts. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a little prose in your character description. Just don’t go too crazy.
Take for instance, this RSP I found while leveling my druid.
What the Fel?!
Lanuria here! I’ve been gone for a while thanks to vacations and training for my second job, but things are settling down and I’m ready to get back to writing for your enjoyment!
My vacation was great, for those who care. My nephew, who is almost four, is turning into quite the little nerd. Maybe in a few years he will be getting his own computer, a WoW account and learning how to make a decent, lore following character.
Or he’ll turn into whatever the hell this is. I can only pray to the nerd gods above that this fate doesn’t befall my geeky little nephew.
Click to embiggen.
Why wouldn’t someone want to walk up and talk to someone with a roleplaying style of “Devious/Aggresive Full-Time”, sounds like a fun time to me. So does the “Race: Fel Orc” bit!
Some of My Best Friends are Ugly Girls
She’s not just a piece of meat, people. She’s a big piece of muscle.
Click to Embiggen
We’ll start at the end: “(Go away lore whores, don’t care what you think.)” First of all, you never put a period at the end of a parenthetical. Just saying. Second, we’re not lore whores. That would imply we got paid. We’re lore sluts. Third, you may not care what we think, but I think we have a readership that does.
It’s Not Rocket Surgery
I mean, c’mon, people. If this guy can write a believable and reasonable character in this few sentences, you can too.
There’s Nothing More Attractive Than a Useless Helpless Girl, Right?
Varendil and I are back from our riffing vacation. The show was fabulous and if you ever get the chance to check out Cinematic Titanic in person, do it. Three hours of nonstop laughter. Now that we are back, though, it’s time to get to work.
FFA: I Saw a Werewolf Wearing a Toyota in East L.A.
Varendil and I are busy getting ready for our weekend adventure to see the original masters of making fun of bad things, Cinematic Titanic! Since we are going to be gone for the weekend enjoying the riffing styles of Joel, J. Elvis, Mary Jo, Trace, and Frank, we are going to let you guys in on the fun. Our subject this weekend is Locath Iron Fang, a worgen warrior.
- You must embiggen.
So, sound off in the comments with your jokes and don’t forget to give our friend here a little advice as well. We’ll be back next week!
For the Love of God, I’m Single
Seems like a recurring theme around here that some folk are trying a little too hard to attract mates.
Maybe he's not meant to be clicked and embiggened.
Modern Marvals
We don’t like to revisit old RSPs here on RPL, because we don’t want it to seem like we’re stalking people or continuing to beat a dead horse. Recently, though, a reader sent in the RSP of Marvalai, someone we’ve covered before on the site. It seemed worth the attention.
As you can see, things haven’t improved. This got us thinking. While we in no way want you, our loyal and pleasant-smelling today readers, to go harass people we feature on the site – we’re grateful that you don’t – maybe, just maybe, someone needs to tell Marvalai’s player what’s up. After all, a quick glance at Marvalai’s RSP reveals a few things of note:
“Wull-varr,” as Saurfang Would Say
Begin flashback, circa early 2010
“Hey Varendil! How long do you think it’ll be after Cata drops before someone rolls a worgen and they say it’s a wolvar?”
“Don’t get those ideas in my head, Lan.”
End flashback
Correct answer? Negative sixteen days.
The Shattering… of a Roget’s Thesaurus
Hmm. I wanna write this purple prose post, but I can’t seem to get the right anger built up in my brain.
Here, get this stuck in your head.
I don’t see how that’ll–
It’s like you have a superpower for liking things that generate rage in me.
Oh, this should be fun.
Nerdrage
Varen here. We can bicker and argue all day if we want about what fits in an RSP, what constitutes a special snowflake, whether or not certain lore characters are sues. I think, however, we can all agree that you do not play a middle-aged emo version of the third coolest human ever.
Click, friend, and embiggen.
Uther is not a depressing Al Bundy with a beer gut and weird emo scars around his wrists that rides Ol’ Blanchy, God rest her. What, did he kill himself right before Arthas got to him in your bananas version of the lore? Or was he saved be some depressed spirit healer that took pity on the funhouse mirror version of an Alliance hero that you’ve concocted? After all, it’s a pretty big deal in the real lore that he’s fucking dead so I’d love to see you explain how he’s back to life as a level twenty warrior.
Yep. Couldn't even get the class right.
This pic was sent in (by Auspice of Wyrmrest Accord, who we thank) with the following note: There’s been multiple forum posts about him, but sadly, are all deleted. Well, report this, you sonuvabitch, because you don’t mess with one of my favorite lore characters and get away with it.
How can we make this better? Lead poisoning, the .38 caliber kind. Put this horrible excuse of a character to rest, because I don’t care how well written the physical description is, or how respectful you think the treatment is, because it’s Uther the goddamn Lightbringer. Come back with something remotely original.
P.S.: You all can guess at who I think the second and first coolest humans ever are. Some of you should nail #2, but I doubt you’ll get #1 unless I’ve told you before. So no guessing, Lan.
Free-For-All: (◕︵◕)
Quickie for everyone tonight: how many animu references can you count?
- Click. Embiggen. Love.
Captain Marval
Meanwhile, in the parallel universe where people think taking after Mongraa is a good idea…
You'd better believe there's more.
My alternate title was Mara Jaded, but that might be a bit more obscure.
Have You Heard the News That You’re
I never think I liked you anyway.
Embigg'n Rich.
“Wanted Bounty Head shockingly Amani, Hexed madwoman” sounds like something our spam filter would catch. Regenerate faster! Harder!
FNFFA: Trouser Serphent
EDIT: Credit to Daivick for the pics.
For tonight’s Friday Night Free-For-All, our first ever request. The large number of you that live on Moon Guard might already know this fellow/lass, but for the rest of you: you’re in for a treat.
Two weeks ago a fellow on Moon Guard posts an introduction to his character on the forums. Click that link, the thread is worth a laugh. The character is a girl that is kidnapped by naga and starts getting transformed into one of them? I guess? Behold: Aihuna Stoneshield.
Tee El; Dee Arr.
Presenting the War and Peace of RSPs, as submitted by an anonymous reader. Click to embiggen.
What?! After seven hundred pages of describing your eroticism, you tell me you’re not always into ERP? You cocktease, you got my hopes up!
A Grim Tale
Denizens of Silvermoon might be familiar with the following “imposing” character:
First of all, Grimtotem Mercenary Captain Grimful Ebonwind “The Cruel” is quite the name. Call this a pet peeve of mine, but I really hate it when a person’s RSP takes up HALF my screen because you have to have every. Single. Title. In your rsp.
Height: 12’5″ Okay, bro. According to WoWWiki, the average height of a playable male tauren is eight feet, with the tallest being roughly nine feet tall. So, you’ve tacked on an extra THREE FEET on to a nine foot tall creature and think this is okay? Have you seen the people that are three feet taller than a normal person in real life? They tend to die very early, or live very uncomfortable lives. Hell, most are tall due to gland defects or something along those lines. The tallest man ever, Robert Wadlow, died at the age of 22 because he got a blister on his ankle due to a brace. And you expect me to believe this freak of nature can be a goddamned mercenary?
Weight: 1005 lbs I’m going to let Varendil handle this math. Again citing WoWWiki, the average male tauren is 400 pounds. Increasing a creature’s height increases its mass cubed. So, we plug the average height and weight into something like the Ponderal index and consider that this fellow is fifty percent taller than average, which is like a nearly nine foot tall human. Crunch the numbers and we find out that in order to be “to scale” and not too skinny-looking for his height, this fellow would need to weigh fifteen hundred pounds. That’s the weight of an IRL car or a healthy Holstein, mind you. Congratulations on your emaciated badass.
Okay, yeah, insulting someone’s imaginary weight with real life math is a pretty low blow, but how often does one get to say ‘emaciated badass?’
Immunity: Awww, crap! Runic-ward against various shadow-based spells and a high tolerance to pain and stun effects, use caution when engaging. Because having weaknesses is for bitches! Do we have a context here? Does he have a high tolerance to pain compared to other warriors, or compared to newborn kittens? Or is it just a product of the Iron Will talent? In short, how much of his awesomeness is because of his training and class, and how much is you puffing up his awesomeness? Yes, I’ll be sure to be careful when I attack the malnourished cow standing around Silvermoon (More on that later).
An artist's depiction.
He constantly seems to snarl with a fierce and agressive glare of his crimson red eye, his teeth unusually sharpen to razor-sharp points, suggesting cannibalism. So the man enjoys a good steak once in a while! Nothing wrong with that! Anyways, sharp pointed teeth don’t suggest cannibalism. Most people who practice cannibalism don’t sharpen their teeth at all. They simply use the teeth they eat another meat with. Sharpening your teeth is painfully stupid, especially when you accidentally bite your tongue. What about biting your cheek? Light, you’d look like that one Forsaken model! Seems like a good way to give the girl- or boyfriend a unique and special pain, too.
Like you’d know anything about that.
One of these days, Alice.
At other times, he seems completely emotionless or drunk and buzzed off of something he was probably drinking or smoking and often tries to make himself intimidating and usually seems quick to anger. So he’s either angry and pissed off…or drunk and pretending to be angry and pissed off. Such range! Such character development!
Now, here’s something unusual. The middle part of this RSP is AMAZING. It’s perfect! I don’t think I would change much about it, the writing style is great, the character description tells us everything we need to know about this character. We know he has an eyepatch, he has some runic tattoos and His left horn was a fake and screwed into his head, but unless inspected closely, it looked real, which is actually a pretty nifty idea. This paragraph is what SHOULD be in your RSP, not the stuff before this paragraph and not the information that follows it. Although you say “screwed in” – your tauren had a threaded socket installed in his skull?
He usually peers around searchingly for eye-contact, looking for an excuse to beat someone up for his own amusement and often just appears to be a large drunken bully with no motive behind his actions, other then money and taking pleasure in others pain. So… am I supposed to feel bad for the impossibly large skinny drunken fellow wandering around starting shit with random people and trying to look tough? Because instead I’m hoping there’s some real adventurer in that tavern, a female he tries to mack on or something, that just levels the guy with one punch and leaves him in a pool of drool, blood, and mystery warm yellow liquid on the floor.
How can we fix this? This one is actually a simple fix, because most of it is a good RSP. Hell, if not for the absurd Big Mclargehuge and the “Look at me, I’m such a badass!” part of the RSP, it would be perfect. Honest. If we remove the beginning and the end of the RSP and leave the juicy character description middle, this RSP wouldn’t even need to be featured here. But since it’s there, it’s here. Oh, and one other thing. If you’re going to tell us things about your character in your RSP, please make sure they actually do work with your RP.
“It was also quite obivous, that he was annoyed by Elves.”
Because Silvermoon City is THE destination for those who HATE Elves.
Lanuria Dawnblade, a.k.a. Courtney Adler, aspires. She's an aspiring DM, aspiring photographer, and aspiring wife. She lives in Monroe, Wisconsin and complains about the weather far too much. She enjoys The Big Bang Theory and singing the songs from Glee.
Varendil Dawnblade, a.k.a. Taylor Vincent, is a 22-year old writer, student, World of Warcraft player, and 4th Edition DM. He lives in Monroe, Wisconsin with his fiancé and their jade plant, Esmeralda. He likes Douglas Adams and The Venture Bros. He hates Toni Morrison. Don't even ask. 
