Dire in More Ways than One
I’m nothing special. I’m just a normal purple-eyed giant tri-racial bear.
Click to embiggen
There might be quicker turnarounds in the history of the site, but this one’s the steepest. (more…)
Skitter Done
Before we jump into the post today, you’ll notice something a bit different. Yes, the names have been edited out and no servers are going to be mentioned. RPL is about showcasing bad so we can all become better, but not about shaming those who do want to get better. That being said, if you do know the person who has the MRP/RSP in question, we ask you not mention the name in the comments. If the author of the MRP wishes to come into the thread to defend his or her character and give the name of the character, then all is fair game.
We may change the rules around for repeat offenders, though. Not sure yet.
Now that that is out of the way, let’s get to work, shall we? We have been featuring a lot of…well, normalish for this site type of characters. Demon hunters, rape alts, etc. But today is an RPL first! Our first Nerubian. Ready your cans of gasoline and get your game face on, we have a giant spider on our hands!
Fuck that shit!
Darken Your Clothes or Strike a Violent Pose
We try to avoid clichés and age-based condescension as best we can here at the Roleplayer’s Lament. Keeping that in mind, all I’ll say about the player of this next fellow is that they seem to have some immediate, in-depth experience at playing a teenager.
Click for improved badassery
Either that or it’s Rob Liefeld himself. (I feel like I’ve linked that here before, but it’s so good that I couldn’t take the chance of not doing so.)
Looking for Advice: Kal Namara
Oh lookie! A new section for the site! Are you looking for advice from the RPL audience? Feel like your character needs a reworking but your friends or RP partners don’t care? Send us an e-mail with LFA in the subject and we can help you out! Or you can visit our forums, which Varendil and I are going to be much more active in since the MG forums have turned into utter crap.
Nightmare Moon-whisper
Of course I’m gonna make the My Little Pony joke. Hope you liked it, because it’s the last bit of joy you’re going to have for a little while.
Click for the complete... thing.
“Fallen Archangle” Is that supposed to say Archangel, or is this some new rank thing? Have to be clearer and less obtuse.
FFA: I Saw a Werewolf Wearing a Toyota in East L.A.
Varendil and I are busy getting ready for our weekend adventure to see the original masters of making fun of bad things, Cinematic Titanic! Since we are going to be gone for the weekend enjoying the riffing styles of Joel, J. Elvis, Mary Jo, Trace, and Frank, we are going to let you guys in on the fun. Our subject this weekend is Locath Iron Fang, a worgen warrior.
- You must embiggen.
So, sound off in the comments with your jokes and don’t forget to give our friend here a little advice as well. We’ll be back next week!
The Hardest Button to Button [Slightly NSFW]
There are times we get things that just make us shake our head and wonder if anyone has been listening to us this past year and (almost) a half. This is one of those.
A royal banker and an extremely Jewish sounding last name? I would be slightly offended if I didn’t make that joke myself.
Genore-ous Proportions
Sometimes we just spot a female (well, futa) character and can tell, right away, that a male is playing the character. Sometimes it’s subtle and sometimes it’s painfully obvious.
Besides the “((18+! NO MEN))”, there’s another clue that roughly half of you should catch. We’ll tell you at the end of the post.
“She stands at normal height, regardless of worgen or human form.” What’s the alternative, that she’s shorter than herself? “Unlike most who have fully embraced their curse/gift, she prefers to switch back and forth whenever she likes.” I think most people like to do things when they like to, yes. However, I’m gonna argue that most worgen didn’t embrace their gift. I’m guessing most of them didn’t have a choice. I’m also guessing most of them didn’t really ‘embrace’ their curse so much as they got it injected into them by fangs and succumbed to it. But that’s just me.
“Beneath her robes, she is completely nude, her nipples pressed against the fabric of her robes, and a slight bulge apparent.” He/she doesn’t say where the bulge is, so it could be her penis, or she could just be preggers. I’d also like to point out that just about everyone is naked under their clothes and that of course her nipples are pressed against her fabric, the dress isn’t floating an inch above her goddamned skin.
“She is a futa. 10 inches when human, and 15 inches when worgen, with a 5 inch thick knot at the base.” Oh, yeah, you have to tie a knot in the base so it doesn’t fall off in the goddamned canyons that a 10 or 15 inch penis would gouge into a woman. Good Lord. It also doubles as a repelling rope!
How can we make this better? Blah blah standard “fetishes are fine but biology is fun” speech. You may also want to consider telling us things that are not inherently obvious about your character.
So, did you spot the other clue?
Our women readers should spot the fact that his/her bust size is measured in odd numbers. For our male readers (and Varendil), bra sizes come in even numbers and are rarely measured in odd numbers. Nothing screams ‘I’ve never seen a real boob before!’ like getting the bust size completely wrong.
All Worgen No Play
I deeply apologize to you, the reader, as well as the English language in general for that title.
Click for the girthy entirety.
Thanks to @invisibleinkie on Twitter for sending this in.
Lanuria Dawnblade, a.k.a. Courtney Adler, aspires. She's an aspiring DM, aspiring photographer, and aspiring wife. She lives in Monroe, Wisconsin and complains about the weather far too much. She enjoys The Big Bang Theory and singing the songs from Glee.
Varendil Dawnblade, a.k.a. Taylor Vincent, is a 22-year old writer, student, World of Warcraft player, and 4th Edition DM. He lives in Monroe, Wisconsin with his fiancé and their jade plant, Esmeralda. He likes Douglas Adams and The Venture Bros. He hates Toni Morrison. Don't even ask. 
